Becoming a Leader in God's House | Doug Sauder | 1 Timothy 3 | 4/8

So one of the most important questions that you can ask in your life is this question. What will happen if I die? What will happen if you die? Well, you're gonna die. The question is, what happens after that? It's a question about eternity, but also about your existence here on earth. Is there something that happens after I die? Is there a heaven, is there a hell? Is there a place of judgment? Is there an afterlife? And that question causes us to think, well, if there is, and God is holy and I am not, and my sin has separated me from him, then I need some help, I need forgiveness. The biggest thing I need in life is not a new relationship or a new house or a new car. I need forgiveness and peace with God and a new relationship and here's the beauty of the gospel. Jesus provides all that in his coming from heaven to earth, in his death on the cross, in his resurrection. This is good news, this is the gospel. We celebrate new life. That's why we celebrate baptism. We find people coming from this place of separation to this place of acceptance and forgiveness. And we're here today because we've been saved by grace, through faith, it's the gift of God. But an equally important question

is not what will happen if I die, but what will happen if I live? What will happen if I live? Maybe it's the question we can ask this way. Who am I becoming? If I live as a follower of Jesus over the next five, 10, 15, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years, what type of person will I be? And this is the question of sanctification. How can now a relationship with Jesus that changes everything create this lifelong process where I become more and more like him? It doesn't happen all at once. And this idea of forming our character, well, it's not a mystery. It's based on the choices that we make. Maybe you've heard this saying before. If you sow a thought, you reap an action. If you sow an action, you reap a habit. If you sow a habit, you reap a character. It goes from the process of how we think about things to what we do when we think those things to those things that we do that create habits, and that habit forms our character over time. And well, I read this definition of character this week, and it just stuck out. Character, our true inner self expressed in our long-term patterns of behavior. It's not the person we project to be. It's the person we actually are based on our choices

over a long period of time. So you might say, hey, I'm a patient person, and then someone cuts you off, and something comes out of your mouth, you, pfft. And if someone hears you, you're like, oh, I don't know where that came from. You know where that came from? It came from inside of you. It was there all along. It just took enough pressure and enough aggravation for it to come out, because those thought processes led to those actions that led to those habits, and so those things come out of your mouth because, well, that's how you've been formed. And then we have to do something with that distance. Like, I thought I was a kind person, then I had kids. I thought I was an understanding person, then I got into a relationship, and we tend to seem to blame all the people around us for what they're bringing out in us. Well, I lied because, I cursed because, I did this because, but all that was in us all the time. And it just takes pressure to bring that out of us. And so we have to do something with that. And the answer to that is we have to develop new habits, a grace-driven effort. You know, we are saved by grace through faith. We didn't do anything to get saved. We just looked up and said, God, help me.

But the formation of our character, the sanctification, is a cooperation between us and God's Word and the Spirit as we are formed to be more like Jesus a little bit at a time over our lifetime. And that's why we see scriptures like this in 2 Peter 1, make every effort to add to your faith and then add to goodness and goodness knowledge, knowledge self-control and self-control perseverance and perseverance godliness and godliness mutual affection and mutual affection love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. Peter says, you have to make every effort to add to your faith. You were saved by grace through faith, but now you're gonna have to work. Paul would say this to me, train yourself to be godly. What am I thinking? What am I doing? What habits do I have? How can I be more formed by applying effort in those areas where I can be shaped and changed? Because if not, Peter says you will be ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of Jesus. What a shame that would be to go, I was saved by Jesus and then I just sat there. No, no, there's this beautiful process. No one coasts to Christ likeness. There is a grace driven effort

and one of God's greatest gifts to help us to form. this character, to form these new habits, this new way of thinking is a family. And in 1 Timothy chapter three, this letter Paul is saying to Timothy, we are invited to be part of the household of God. That whether we are Jews or Gentiles or male or female or slave or free, whatever our background, we're invited to sit at a table with the family members. And this table is part of the household of God, part of the family of faith, where other people who've been saved by grace get to work out their salvation. They get to influence each other. They get to grow in the grace of God. And I want you to think about what happens at a table. If you grew up in a healthy family, around a table like this, you learned a sense of belonging. I belong to this family, a sense of identity. I've got this last name that's shared by these people, this common, and I can learn to find my purpose at a table like this. Now, I wanna say that not everyone grew up around a table where all these things happened, but if you didn't, the beautiful invitation of the gospel is no matter how broken your family, if you never ate a dinner around a table before, you are invited to the very table of God where he is father and we, his people, sit together

and eat and grow in the grace of God. And Paul's gonna say to Timothy, hey, in the church, which is the household of God, well, there need to be certain leaders, certain spiritual moms and dads who sit in this seat, who help raise the kids so their character can be formed. So I'm gonna leave the parent seat and I'm gonna go to the kid's seat. Now, I want you to think back to your childhood, like when you were two in your little seat, and your mom and dad said, eat your peas, and you're like, no, and you threw them. And eventually, you learn to eat peas, where you learn to respect authority, where you learn to say please and thank you, where you learn to work through conflict with your siblings, where you learned that trust can be developed and forgiveness can be offered. And then when there are conversations about, oh, my girlfriend and my boyfriend, when you're 16, or you learn to drive your car, and you learn to do all these things, and then you go to college and you can't figure out what you wanna do with your life, and your mom and dad are instructing you, and you're learning the seat, you're starting to grow, you're starting to mature. And then maybe come to the point where you actually move out, develop a family of your own. And then what happens?

Something crazy happens. The child becomes the parent. Now, I don't know if you've experienced this, if you're old enough, you've experienced this. I mean, I remember sitting in this seat for 20 years, and it struck me, like, in my 20s, like, my dad and mom did so much to help me grow and develop as a person. Like, I didn't know what health insurance was. I didn't know how to buy a house. I didn't know how to work through all these. I had no idea how hard it was to be a parent until I became a parent. Anybody know what I'm talking about? And there's this maturing process that happens when you go from being the child to being the parent, from going to the person who's the taker to the person who is the giver. And you realize this is not just a burden, it's a holy privilege to speak into the life of young people. And so Paul is gonna say to Timothy, "'The leaders you pick, "'the people who sit at this seat in your church, "'that's the most important decision "'you're going to make. "'They are the spiritual parents of the church.'" Not anyone can just sit in this seat. So he's gonna give this list of qualifications for those elders, those deacons, those deaconesses,

those spiritual leaders in the house of God who are raising up these young Christians to one day be parents themselves. And this is the gift that God has given for character formation. Paul says in the letter to the Ephesians, the same church, he says this, "'For Christ himself gave the apostles "'and the prophets and evangelists "'and pastors and teachers to equip his people "'for works of service, "'so that the body of Christ may be built up "'until we all reach unity in the faith "'and in the knowledge of the Son of God.'" And there it is. "'And become mature, "'attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.'" Paul says, "'Christ himself gave gifts to the church, "'that those people who sit in this seat, "'the prophets, the apostles, the evangelists, "'the pastors, the teachers, "'can equip those people in the church "'so they can do the work of God in the church, "'in their city, in their neighborhoods, "'so that all of us can grow up together around this table.'" The sense of identity, the sense of purpose, the sense of belonging. And so Paul's gonna give very specific instructions because, well, if you've been with us the last couple of weeks,

the type of leaders who are asserting themselves in Ephesus are not spiritually mature. They're not the type of men or women that you would want to follow. And so Paul's gonna help Timothy with these instructions. 1 Timothy 3, verse one. Here is a trustworthy saying. Whoever aspires to be an... overseer desires a noble task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him. And he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church? And he must not be a recent convert where he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He must also have a good reputation with outsiders so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap. Paul says, here is a trustworthy saying. Whoever aspires to be an overseer, a spiritual parent, an elder, they desire a good thing. Now Paul's talking about ambition. And typically when we think about ambition,

we're like, oh, ambition's bad. But there's a difference between selfish ambition. Hey, look at me, I wanna sit in this seat. I wanna tell people what to do. I wanna tell people how to run the church. I want people to recognize me and how spiritual I am. Look at me, look at me, look at me. No, that's a selfish ambition. But godly ambition is, God, I sat in this seat for so long and so many people helped me to grow, to learn how to pray and read the Bible. So many people helped me grow up in my faith. When you're born again, you start as a baby and you learn to crawl and then walk and then run. And there's so many people who helped me that I'm just so grateful. I wanna now sit in this seat and I wanna do for them what someone did for me. That's godly ambition. Paul says, if someone in the church wants to be a leader and their heart is pure, it's a beautiful and noble thing, but those leaders have to be above reproach. And you're like, oh man, that eliminates me. Now, above reproach does not mean perfect. Literally, it means nothing sticks to you. So if you were gonna go into a court of law and you were gonna be accused of all these things, nothing would stick to you because the life that you live in public and the life you live in private are the same life.

There's nothing that's different or duplicitous about the way that you are living. Leaders in the church, spiritual fathers and mothers have to live a life that is above reproach. And then there's this list of characteristics, this list of character qualities to be cultivated, not gifts, but what is the quality of the character of this person's heart? And we see these examples. Someone who is faithful to their wife. Now, that does not mean that an elder has to be married because Paul is single and it's likely that Timothy is single. It means a one woman man or someone who is, if they're living in singleness, they're living in chastity and if they're in marriage, they're living in faithfulness or fidelity to one wife. He's talking about the way they conduct themselves and their sexual relationships and their covenants. Self-controlled, respectable, hospitable. The only gift here is the ability to teach. And the reason why the elder is given this very specific gift to teach is because the elders are in charge of as the head of the spiritual family, to be able to talk to anyone who comes to the church with a different doctrine or a way to be divisive or a way to hurt the sheep that the elder stands up and says, no, I know the Bible well enough because I've read it, to know how to discern truth from error.

Hebrews chapter five says, if you read it enough, you can distinguish the truth from the lie. And the elder is charged to know the Bible and God's word and God's people well enough to know that people come into the church with a wind or false doctrine or coming to hurt, they can step up and say, no, not in this house, not in this place. And I'm personally very grateful for the leaders who serve here, protect this house and the doctrine of this house and the people of this house. Look, can we give it up for all the elders of this church? Listen, our church right now has, at all of our campuses, we have 77 elders who serve in all these different capacities, they do biblical counseling, they pray at the altar, they visit people in hospitals, they serve and they live this beautiful life in the public eye, not for recognition or applause or resources, they don't get paid a penny. And they serve this church in so many ways. It's not just the people up here or the paid staff that serve this church, no, there's a host of people behind the scenes who lead and love the family of God in this way and they follow the way of Jesus. They didn't come to be served, they came to serve because that's what parents do. And so the elder has to be above reproach. Paul gives very little instruction about the structure of how elders and deacons and pastors all work together because, well, there's flexibility in the way the church is organized, but there's not flexibility

in the character requirements of those spiritual leaders. Now, verse eight, we see a different group of people, other leaders in the church, called deacons. Verse eight, in the same way deacons are to be worthy of respect. sincere, not indulging in much wine, not pursuing dishonest gain. They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience, and they must be first tested. And then if there's nothing against them, let them serve as deacons. In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers, but temperate and trustworthy in everything. And a deacon must be faithful to his wife and must manage his children and his household well. And those who have served will gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus. So we have elders, the spiritual fathers of the house, and then we have deacons, the spiritual fathers and mothers of the house. Both descriptions are of the men and the women who serve in this capacity. It's the Greek word diakonos. It means the word servant, servant leader. A hundred times we see this word in the New Testament, and we see it in three different forms. One is that we as Christians are called to serve. Every Christian who's here is called somehow to serve because Jesus gave us this example.

And we're followers of Jesus. We use our gifts and our skills. We use our time and our resources to serve other people. But then in 1 Corinthians 12 and Romans 12, there's a diakonos gift, a specific gift. There are people here who are specifically gifted by God to serve. You come alive when you serve. You're always looking for service. The way you think is, how can I serve the people around me? There's very specific people who have this gift, even though all are called to it. And then there's this word diakonos, which means a title or a role within the church as an identified spiritual leader, an identified spiritual mom or dad that we can say that's a deacon in our church. And he or she is here to serve and love and care for so that you look for that person who's safe and trusted, someone who's above reproach, someone whose character has been tested. Every year we put up slides of new leaders. We're in that process right now. New deacons and new elders at our church. And we say, hey, we're just gonna look at these faces. And then you look at their face and you're like, hey, if they robbed you or cursed you out in the parking lot, let us know right away because we're about to make them leaders

and they have to be above reproach inside the church and outside the church. And this is the instruction that Paul has given Timothy. The leaders that you pick, that's the most important next decision you'll make as a church because as leaders go, so go the people. As spiritual parents go, so go the kids. And so these are the instructions that Paul has given Timothy and we see in verse 14, the reason for the letter. Although I hope to come to you soon, I'm writing you these instructions so that if I'm delayed, you may know how people ought to conduct themselves in God's household, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth. Paul's saying in the third chapter of this letter, he's written a lot in this letter. He gives the purpose statement for the entire letter at the end of the third chapter. Oh, by the way, I'm writing this to you because I want you to know how you should conduct yourself in God's house. I want you to know how to run the house, how to sit at this table as a spiritual dad and order the house. And Paul says, I wanna come to you, but these instructions are gonna help you until I get there. And then he says, you know, the church is the household of God. The church is the family of God. And the church is the pillars.

The church holds up the truth of the gospel. And this would have resonated to the people in Ephesus because if you remember the last couple of weeks, we talked about one of the seven wonders of the ancient world was the temple of Artemis. And one of the chief features of this temple to this Greek goddess was the 127 pillars plated in pure gold, jewels all over them, each one given as tribute from a king to this goddess. So when Paul says the church, we are the pillars that hold up the truth, everyone in Ephesus is like, oh, I know the pillars of the pagans. And wait, the church, we're the pillars that hold up God's truth? Yes, you are the pillars that hold up the gospel of Jesus. And that's a beautiful picture of who the church is and what our purpose is. And then, and what are we holding up? Look at verse 16. Beyond all question, the mystery from which true godliness springs is great. He appeared in the flesh, was vindicated by the spirit, was seen by angels, was preached among the nations, was believed on in the world, was taken up into glory. What is, what's happening here? Paul just breaks out in song.

You look at that, those last few verses, you're like, this looks like a poem or a song. And if you think that, you're correct. It's written in this beautiful rhythmic parallelism that seems like a song or something that people would recite. And it says the mystery of godliness, the mystery of how character grows in you is great, but it's all rooted in source and who Jesus is. Jesus came in the flesh and was validated or justified by the spirit. He was seen by angels, but he was also preached to the nations. He was believed on the world. and now he's taken up into glory. It's the whole story of the gospel. Jesus came from heaven to earth to die for sinners. He came to take our place, that if we put our faith and trust in him, as that work goes out in the nations, the people in the nations change, the gospel goes out, and one day we'll be with him in glory. This is the good news, right? This is the mystery of where godliness comes from. And so he says, the church, we are the pillars that hold up that truth. People are looking at us to see who Jesus is. The church is God's house, it's God's family, it's God's building, he lives here, and he wants his heart and his way to be established here.

And so we look at this 2,000-year-old instruction about how to organize a church and how to pick leaders and how to keep the main thing the main thing, and now I want us to just think about, so how do we do it here? I said earlier, we have 77 different elders who serve at all of our campuses. We have over 400 deacons, male and female leaders, who serve in these leadership capacities. And we just, we want to celebrate them. Go, let's just celebrate the people who work here. I'm just thinking about different people I've thought through. There's a man named Esteban who serves as an elder here, and he works as an entrepreneur in his regular job, a business person, he's always very busy, but he's got this energy, he's always serving. He serves and connect because he wants new people to get connected to our church, and he speaks Spanish. He teaches a lot of our classes in Spanish. He leads our ESOL community where he's helping people to learn English as a second language, and then sharing the gospel with them and helping them with job placement, and all the things that happens as a result of reaching out to people who are in need. He doesn't want anyone here to feel like they're a stranger. He wants everyone here to go, you know what? If you're in this seat right here, and you're like, I want to grow, I want to learn,

well, he wants to invest in you. And there's something beautiful about having an elder like that, you probably never see his face or even know his name, but he's here serving and making this a better place. And then there's a woman named Gina. She serves on the hospitality team. She might have greeted you on the way in, and if you walk forward to give your life to Jesus, you might see her in the new believers room, because she's on the prowl for someone who looks like they're lost or lonely or sad. And if she connects with you, well, she's never met a stranger. She's gonna find a way to love you and serve you and pray for you. Hey, let's meet for coffee on Tuesday. I'd like to spend time helping you to grow in your relationship with Jesus, because someone did that for me. She has this spiritual maternal care. And then I just want to tell you, I don't know if you were here last weekend, but we had a man who had a medical emergency right over here, and one of our servant leaders in the catch, she's a pediatrician, she's a doctor. She went and cared for him in his moment of need. And not because, you know, her job required, because she's a servant here. She's a group leader, her and her husband, Josh,

they serve and lead in our school and our church in so many different ways. And so there's something about when something happens in the church and it's an emergency, people who are gifted are called to, hey, I want to help. I want to serve. And that family, they said, we just felt so loved at our church because of the way that people responded. None of them staff people, just people who have been equipped to be the family of God, spiritual mothers and fathers. So I want you to think about this journey of how, how do you go from like coming here brand new, where you're here to go, I want to learn what is Calvary about? How do I learn the Bible? How do I learn to pray? How do I learn to lead? How do I grow in my character? How do I go from here of being a spiritual consumer? I need to grow, I need to learn, I need to heal, to being a spiritual contributor, where now I want to do for someone else what someone did for me. So I want to tell you just my journey real quickly. I came here in 1998 with my wife and I was brand new. I didn't work here. I wasn't a pastor. I just showed up, maybe like you.

And I heard the teaching. I heard the worship. I was like, wow, this place is amazing. I think this is a place we could belong to and began to come in. And someone said, hey, do you want to take a class, a biblical counseling class? We'd been Christians for over a decade. We knew how to pray. We knew the Bible, but we didn't know Calvary. So we took this biblical counseling class and then we began to volunteer. And then someone said, hey, I want you to teach this parenting class. I want you to take Foundations of Faith and I want you to take Financial Peace University. I want you to take some of these classes. I want you to start to grow your faith. Hey, maybe you can lead a mission trip. And then I got nominated to be a deacon and elder as I began to serve in all these places and my wife as well. Eventually we became staff members of this church. And eventually I ended up in the seat that I'm in right now. And this is this beautiful journey that happened. Over time, and I want to tell you like that, that journey, even though the names of the classes have changed, we still have this growth track. If you're brand new here,

here's what this looks like for us. It starts with Connect. The class is going to start right after this, where a whole bunch of people who go, you know what, I've been sitting, I've been sitting in this seat for so long and I love it, but I'm not growing. I'm not maturing. I'm not coming to the place where I can be a contributor. Well, Connect is the first step. And then from there, it's following Jesus. What do we believe about the Bible? How to pray, how to read, how to fast, how to give, how to serve, how to reach our world. And then freedom. How do we deal? Some of the past hurts and hangups. When Suzanne and I came here, we had a lot of brokenness from church hurt, from other Christians and people who said some really difficult things for us to hear. And we had to process all that. And freedom was a place and is a place where you can let go of some of those hurts and those areas of brokenness. And then formation classes. How do I deal with money? How do I live in marriage? How do I raise my kids? How do I reach my world?

How do I share my faith? And then joining a community. And as you grow, then eventually you get to a seat like this. And now, you're not just joining the group, you're leading the group. You're leading the mission trip. You're in this place where you go through leadership development. You get nominated as a deacon or as an elder. Not because of who you are or what you've done, because of the way that you serve. And eventually, maybe you begin some kind of internship where you spend five, 10, 15 hours a week just serving and giving. Right now, there are hundreds of people that allow our services to go on here. They're teaching your kids. They're welcoming you. They're parking your cars. They're doing security. They're doing all these things that you can't see that make this a safe and beautiful place. And maybe the whole time, yeah, we can clap for them. It's a beautiful thing. Maybe the whole time, you never thought about it. Like as a kid, I never thought about my dad was paying a mortgage payment. Or the air conditioning bill. Or my car insurance.

Or my health insurance. Or all these other things. I just took it all and made all these assumptions. But when I sat in this seat, I realized, wow. Wow, there is this responsibility that I have and I wanna be a contributor to this process. And so Paul's saying to Timothy, there are men and women in the church that you need to call up and call out to this place. And they have to have this teachable spirit and this heart that wants to be cultivated in the character of God. And so I want us to take a moment and do some reflection. You know, the Bible is like a mirror. And so I'm gonna ask you this question. What seat are you currently in right now? Are you in this seat where you become the giver, the contributor, not just the taker, the consumer? Where you become the parent and not the child and you're beginning to give back. And this is the question of who am I becoming? Am I maturing in the family of God or am I stuck? And so we're gonna look at some of the same character qualities that Paul is calling out that are prerequisites for people to be leaders in the house of God. And I'm just gonna ask you to do a little reflection because again, the Bible is a mirror and we wanna be practicing toward maturity. So here's the first one, sexual integrity.

We see several times in this list, a husband of one wife, faithful, given to self-control. So for married people, again, it's faithfulness. For single people, it's chastity. So the question, am I practicing sexual integrity in my relationship before God, in my sexual choices? And so if you're married and you're sleeping with someone else, that's a sin that needs to be repented of because God sees it and God knows. If you're single and you're laying down in bed with someone who's not your husband or wife, the Bible calls this fornication, sexual immorality. It's not a small thing to God. God says in Hebrews 13, the marriage bed is pure, but adulterers, fornicators, God's gonna judge them. And so we don't want anyone to be in this childlike state where like, yeah, I'm gonna follow Jesus, but I also wanna follow all my sexual impulses. You know, Augustine, one of the greatest thinkers of the Christian faith, he once wrote this. Lord, make me chaste, but not yet. He was still in this child seat. Like, I wanna follow Jesus and I wanna do the right thing, but I also wanna fulfill my sexual desires. And so maybe a prayer you pray here as you look in the mirror is like, God, help me to want to want to. Help me to be the type of person that, that says my body doesn't belong to me, it belongs to you, I was bought with a price.

And so I'm gonna yield my desires to your will for my life and I'm gonna trust you so I can grow toward maturity. And in a thousand small ways, you practice these habits. Like instead of watching that person walk down the beach, you just look down and you pray. God, I pray you made that woman beautiful, you made that man look so good. Bless them, keep them, draw them to you. And by the time you get done praying, they're gone. You know what I mean? You just look down and you pray. And by the time you get done praying, they're gone. What is that? That's practicing the habits of sexual integrity. It's the sexual integrity is not just the physical act. of sex, it's all the things that you see in those late night scrolling nights that you click on and pretty soon you're like, how did I get there? And what did I see? And what does God think about what I saw? And if you're gonna be a leader, the type of person that God's gonna use in your life, then there needs to be repentance and confession and a walking with and sometimes God will bring people into your life. I was this brand new Christian and I met this guy named Mike in the church. I was like 20 years old and my hormones were raging. I came out of a place of, before I was a Christian, if I wanted to have sex or I wanted to do my thing,

I just did my thing and now I'm a Christian. I'm like, this is really hard. It's like temptation everywhere. And this guy, Mike, he'd been a Christian a little longer than me. He's like, Doug, you know, every time I get the strong temptation to sin sexually, I start praying for missionaries. I start paying for pastors because I figure if Satan's going to attack me, then I'm gonna attack his kingdom. And I was like, I like Mike. Mike is not one of those Christians that's like, oh no, I'm being attempted. Oh no, I'm gonna fail. Oh no, he's too strong for me. No, no, he's gonna come after me. I'm gonna go after him. And I was like, oh yeah, I wanna hang out with Christians like that. And I learned this beautiful just habit that I could practice and that's part of what a spiritual family does. There are older men and older women in this house that need to warn younger men and women of just following all those temptations and what it will lead to. And so how are you practicing sexual integrity, creating those boundaries? The next one, self-control.

A leader in the house of God needs to be self-controlled. So how are you practicing self-control? Paul also describes this word as someone who's temperate or respectable, someone who's living a well-ordered life, who's disciplined, someone who's moderation. They're not up and down. They're not swayed by all the things that they're moderation and all the things, but everyone else is going crazy. There's a steadiness in them. They can look at the face of that spiritual mom and dad and say, I'm freaked out, but you seem calm, so I guess I can be okay. And a church and a family needs that person who is moderate, temperate, self-controlled, not given to all the ups and downs and extremes of life, someone who can own their emotions, but not enthrone their emotions, that when everyone around them is spiraling, they are steady. So how am I practicing self-control? Maybe one of those ways I learned was fasting. See, I'd been a Christian for a while, and you know, I love to eat. Anybody love to eat here? Come on, yeah. Anybody love to eat here? Okay, you know you love to eat. And I was just like, oh man, the next meal,

it's gonna be so good. And then there was a leader who taught me about the practice of fasting, about like skipping a meal or two or three and praying and letting that hunger grow inside of you so that your spirit can be stronger than your body so you don't follow all your impulses. And the practice of fasting helps you in the practice of self-control, which helps you in every area of your life. Like maybe the best thing you do in this season of prayer, fasting, and Lent for many people is just to give something up. And maybe, maybe, maybe you just give up shopping. Maybe you give up Amazon for the next 21 days. Some of you guys are freaking out right now because you're like, your husband did not call me and tell me to say that, just trust me. The ability to say, I don't have to have what the world says I have to have and that ability of self-control is part of what a spiritual parent has to develop over time. How am I practicing self-control? Then the next character quality is hospitality. How are you, how are we practicing hospitality? Hospitality means the love of strangers. It means opening up your life and open up your home. This is not a matter of I'm an introvert or an extrovert. This is a matter of saying, no, whatever table I sit around, there's always room for someone else.

I learned this from a couple named Eric and Elaine. I was a brand new Christian at my local church. They opened up their home. They opened it up for me and friends and we could stay as late as we want. We could eat all their food. We'd go in, just eat all their food and leave. Because when you're in this seat, you're just hungry. You just eat stuff. You don't realize how much food you ate and how much it's gonna cost them. They're not a very wealthy couple. We just eat all their food, stay late at night. They probably wanted to go to sleep. They let us do all that. And we learned, they would invite homeless people into their home. We'd have these great conversations. I was like, wow, these people never met a stranger. And I learned that by giving up what you believe was yours and inviting people in, it began to change people's lives. Now I wanna say that practicing hospitality is risky. Like I'm just gonna be real. If you decide, hey, I've been here a long time, I'm gonna host a group at my house. Just weird people could come, right? My wife and I, we've hosted many groups at our house and sometimes weird people come. But check this out. That doesn't mean you shouldn't open up your home

and open up your house. Open up your life. We felt this challenge to open up our home to kids in foster care. Difficult kids might come. Yeah. Part of growing as a spiritual parent is not always taking the easy way. So in an example, and so Paul says, hey, you want to pick men and women to be leaders in the house who have this openness about their life. They don't have to control every little bit, and they trust God in all those out-of-control moments. Am I practicing hospitality? It's an important question to ask. The next one, an ability to teach. Not everyone is given the gift of teaching. Not everyone's gonna stand in front of a congregation and teach, but all of us are called to teach what we learned to pass on to someone else. Paul says to me, study to show yourself approved so you can understand and divide the word of God. And I'm gonna tell you about how that happened for me. I was in this seat, I was 19 years old, brand new Christian, like a year in, and I wasn't thinking I was gonna teach anything. And this guy in this seat named Mike said, hey, Doug, I want you to come and I'm teaching some fifth graders.

I want you to shadow me. And I'm like, okay. And I watched Mike teach. And I don't know if you guys remember flannel board where you put these little characters on with felt, felt board, anybody know what I'm talking about? This is like way before the iPhone. Okay, for older people. And I watched this guy teach and the Bible came alive and the fifth graders eyes were like big as sausage, just like, wow. And I was like, wow. I never saw someone teach the Bible like that to fifth graders. And then Mike said, I want you to come back next week. And then he let me teach. And then he gave me some feedback. And then he said, here's what I see in you. And that led me on a journey that eventually led me to this seat, that eventually led me to this place. All because his spiritual father looked at a 19 year old kid who was a mess and said, hey, follow me. This is what every church needs. Because the next pastor of this church might be in fifth grade right now and might need someone to go speak into their life, might be in our CYA group and might need someone to mentor them.

And this is what it means to call out what you see in other people. And this is not the job of just the leaders or the paid staff or the pastor, this is the job of every single person who wants to be a spiritual father and mother in the house of God. So the question is, am I practicing right now, reading God's word, teaching it to others younger than me? The next character quality, sobriety. Leaders not given to drunkenness, not given to drugs or alcohol, not given to medicating their pain or coping with life by, I'm gonna take the gummies, I'm gonna smoke the blunt, I'm gonna take this drink, I'm gonna take these pills, I'm gonna do this thing because I just need to escape from my life. That's what kids do, to not deal with the pressure or deal with life. But spiritual parents say, no, that's gonna lead me into more depression or more anxiety or more into myself or more isolated or I'm never gonna accomplish the purposes of God if I constantly medicate. No, Paul writes Ephesians, don't be drunk on wine, be filled with the spirit of God. And so what if you cultivated the habit, not when you felt overwhelmed or stressed to go to those things,

but to put on a worship song and sing at the top of your lungs, to pray a prayer, to read God's word, to go for a walk and look outside and look at the moon and praise God and begin to get re-energized, not by substances, but by the spirit of God himself. And if that became your practice, it became your habit, then those dependencies on drugs and alcohol and other substances, well, you'd find them losing their grip on you. I know what it's like to be bound in an addiction. And I know what it's like to be free. And I know the power of the gospel and the power of people who've spoken in my life and helped me walk through that process that led me to freedom. That's what the church is for. That's what the family of God is for. And so I just wanna say like, I know there are people here and you drink every day. You take pills every day. You cope with substances every day and no one knows it. On the outside, you've got your big Bible, your big smile, praise the Lord. You know all the songs, you know all the verses, but inside you are captive and you know you're faking it, but you've come to sort of justify the dissonance.

And I wanna say the most courageous thing you could do is show up here on a Monday night at Celebrate Recovery and just go, you know what? This is me. And you know what you're gonna find? You're gonna find the embrace and acceptance of a community of people who know what it's like to be broken and know the power of community to bring them to healing and hope in the gospel of Jesus Christ. So I invite you, you wanna be courageous? Show up on a Monday night and watch Jesus do his good work in you. The next quality, gentleness. You know, in our world, our world is glamorized the opposite of gentleness. Brashness, contentiousness, quarrelsomeness, loudness. If you shut someone down, everyone claps. At least the people on your group in your tribe, they clap. You know, that's not real courage, that's called faux courage. When you show out and know your people are gonna clap, you don't convince anybody. And the world has somehow said, we can separate Christ likeness from Christianity. But the reality is, Jesus described himself in these words, come to me and learn from me because I am gentle and humble in heart. And don't mistake gentleness or meekness for weakness. Meekness is not weakness, meekness is power under control. So gentleness says when someone insults you,

you don't have to respond back because to respond back means there's an insecurity in you that you have to prove yourself, that you're somebody. But a spiritual parent knows how to look past an insult, how to absorb the anger of someone else without reflecting it back, how to fight fire with water, not with fire. Not to slander people or to use social media as a way to show people what you know or to be contentious or crass. No, the way that we speak matters. Words seasoned with salt, seasoned with grace. You can hold a deep conviction, you can stand your ground as a parent without screaming or cursing or defaming someone. And the church is called to have leaders who lead like that. So if you wanna be a leader here, and you're like, I'm gonna go off on people on social media, then you're not gonna be a leader here, that's okay. You just gotta know what it is because we have this picture of what a godly leader is and does. And so question, am I practicing gentleness or do I love to fight, do I love to quarrel? The next one, generosity, a person who doesn't love money, who's not covetous, who doesn't want what other people have. Leaders can't be lovers of money, people who are never satisfied, people whose desire leads to envy.

The problem is if you always want money, you'll always want more because there's always someone who has more money than you, someone who's better looking than you, someone who's more influential than you. And if you're, in this case, as a child, you always wanna be like all those other people because you don't know yet that it's a lot of smoke and mirrors. But when you become a parent, you realize all that inner striving is not gonna meet the deepest need of your soul. And you can say to those younger believers, just breathe. You don't need to have a million dollars to be happy or drive this car or have this degree or have this number of followers to be happy. You are who you are because of the grace of God. You are his son, you are his daughter, you are loved. There's a purpose in your life. And it's that reassurance. And so, because of that, you can be generous. You can not just learn how to manage your money and budget your money, you can also be generous and practice generosity. And Jesus would say this to his disciples. "'Like my way?' As you get to the point where you give, you don't even know your left hand knows what your right hand's gonna do. In other words, that when you give, you don't feel heroic.

It's just a natural outpouring of learning the generosity of Jesus. From people in his family." And so we have this sort of giving pathway to help people understand because the two hardest things that you learn in your Christian faith is what do I do with my body and what do I do with my money? These are the two greatest tests of your allegiance to Jesus. And so for us, we tell people, hey, just take the first step. If you've never given, just give for the first time. And then maybe that leads to, hey, I'm gonna give every weekend. And then I'm gonna start giving proportionately, like 10% of my income, my first and best. And then I'm gonna go above and beyond, give sacrificially. And then maybe I can be a point where I just give as a legacy because I realize I wanna build the kingdom of God more than build my own kingdom. And this process takes time and it's shaped by the people around you. I've learned more about generosity in the church by listening to people talk about what they give and why they give, not as a proud brag or humble brag, but it's just a way, they're just talking about this natural flow of giving. And if you've never gone on that journey, I just wanna say, like,

there's a lot of people here who enjoy what happens, enjoy and clap for the ministry, but you haven't yet contributed. And maturity calls you from the place of, I consume and I take. And maybe. Every once in a while I'll say thank you to someone. To the point where I sit in this seat and I'm like, wow, okay. I wanna be a person who gives and invests to the next generation because as we take the resources that are given us, we're investing not for ourselves, but for the next generation. The church always exists for the next generation, for the people who need to know Jesus still. And so the question is, how am I practicing generosity? How do I take my next step in being generous to the people around me, to my church, to the mission work of God around the world? The next one, leading at home. The way that men and women manage their own families is a prerequisite for the way they serve in the house of God. And that does not mean that a leader can never have a rebellious child. God had Adam and Eve. Jesus had Judas. It's what the parent applies when it comes to discipline and training and prayer and structure for that child when they're going through their difficult space.

And so that's part of the process. How am I leading in my home? If you're not married, how am I leading my roommates? If you're married, how am I leading in my marriage? How am I leading behind the scenes? Because if I'm not leading behind the scenes, if I'm passive or I'm authoritarian, then I'm not gonna be fit to lead the family of God. And so how are you leading at home? And then finally, resilience. Someone who's not a new believer. Don't put a brand new Christian in the seat. They need to be tested. They need to go through trials. They need to take their licks. They need to go through difficult times to see if they're gonna develop the sense of resilience. I will bend, but I will not break. I will develop thick skin, but my heart will stay soft. A lot of times we have leaders who have thin skin and hard hearts. But as leaders, as parents, we need to have thick skin so that your own kids could say, I hate you. And you're like, I know you're upset, son. I know you're upset, my daughter. But I still love you. And I know you don't wanna hear what I have to say right now, but I'm gonna pray that this conversation can come back around and maybe tomorrow, next week,

we can have another discussion. Just this quiet confidence in who God is and the place he's placed you in. And not worried about being slapped on one cheek, but just offer your other. And this type of resilience means you absorb the pain of other people. I talked to a leader this week. He's like, this group and this group and there's so much pain and brokenness and all that pain is being directed to him. And if you wanna be a spiritual parent, a leader, you're gonna have to absorb all that pain and not pass it on to other people or keep it inside. And that's the character quality of a leader like that. And so those are the characteristics of a leader in God's house. And so I'm gonna ask you the question again. What seat are you in when you evaluate? Are you in the seat of, I'm still in this place where I haven't fully matured in some of these areas. I wanna grow. And maybe you pick one of these practices and you begin to practice it. And maybe you're like, I am a spiritual contributor. I'm a spiritual parent. I wanna grow in that grace. Let's see, here's the one thing that will keep us in this chair, apathy. I'm good.

I'm gonna go to heaven. That's all I really was after anyway. What do you think Jesus thinks about that attitude? You know, he says to the person who takes their talent, their gift and buries it. You wicked, lazy servant. Jesus does not reserve or hold back his feeling for someone who wants to receive all the gifts of the gospel and spend their whole life being a taker, their whole life being a consumer. No, he calls us up to maturity. And so for some people, it's shame. I've been here for 10, 15 years and I've never done anything. And shame just keeps their head down. And you just sort of like endure the rest of this and walk out and go, I don't know. No, don't let shame keep you here. God's calling you up and out to maturity to sit in this seat. Every one of us is called to sit in this seat at some point in our life, to be a leader, to be someone who speaks in the life of other people. So I wanna call out the women of this house. Calvary women, I wanna call you out and I wanna call you up. To be a woman like Naked or Gina who used their gift to serve this place, who don't just show up at church, but we serve the people who are here,

looking for people who are lost, looking for people who need help, praying with people who come forward for prayer needs, discipling kids, leading small groups with our youth. There are so many opportunities and there's so many women who serve here in such great ways. But I wanna continue to call you up and I wanna continue to call you out to the thing that God has for you. And Calvary men, listen up, men. The women outnumber us like two to one as volunteers and servant leaders here. So it's time for godly men to step up into the rightful space to lead our families and to lead our sons and our daughters, to lead our wives, to lead this community. And we need men who use their power to serve and not to make it all about them. And so I wanna call you out and I wanna call you up. to the thing that God has for you. And I wanna close with this idea, because maybe you've wondered this whole time. I know what this seat is. And I know what this seat is. What's this seat for? The beautiful thing about the Christian faith is there's always a seat at the table for a guest. That in your family and in the family of God, there's always a seat for someone

who has not yet experienced the forgiveness of God. His redemption, his goodness, his sense of identity and purpose and belonging, there's always a seat at the table. And that's why at the end of every service, we invite people. If you've not come to know Jesus yet, well, we wanna invite you to know Jesus. Paul says to Timothy, if you have good leaders that serve the house and you have people who are grown in God's grace, then people will be attracted necessarily. I don't know, it's something about this church. I wanna be a part. I wanna grow. I wanna experience this. And so for anyone who has not yet sat in one of these seats, and you're here and you're checking this out, what is this church? Well, here's what we believe. We believe a relationship with Jesus changes everything. We believe this should be a safe place to talk about your stuff. This should be a place where you can say anything to anyone and you can find wisdom as God's word causing you to come to Jesus to find forgiveness as you repent, as you believe, as your life is changed. And so we have a way to respond to this. If you're here and you're like, man, I feel that need.

I wanna sit at this table. I wanna know that my sins are forgiven. I wanna know that I can have eternal life. I wanna know that I can be adopted into the family of God, that I can become a different type of person, that change is actually possible. I don't have to stay stuck or bound. I can be honest and still be accepted. Yeah, that's what it means to come to Jesus. That's what it means to come to be part of his family. And so we're gonna play the song and we're gonna just invite you to the table. If you want a relationship with God through his son, Jesus, and if you're ready to put your faith and trust in him, I'm gonna ask you in just a moment to stand up wherever you are and to come stand at the base of this platform and to pray a very simple prayer. It sounds like this, God, I'm ready. I open my heart. I invite you inside, forgive my sins. I believe you came for me. Jesus, I believe you died for me. And now I wanna live for you. And it's that simple profession of faith, that simple act of repentance that begins your journey with God. It's a decision only you can make, but it's a decision that is the most important decision you will ever make.

And so if you're ready, if you wanna be right with God, I'm gonna ask you, stand up wherever you are and walk this way. And we will celebrate with all of heaven as you come. Come on. Church, let's celebrate these decisions. ♪ Oh, can you think, oh, well, by the weight of your sin ♪ ♪ Jesus is calling, have you come to the end? ♪ ♪ Have you come to the end of yourself? ♪ ♪ Do you thirst for a drink from the well? ♪ ♪ Jesus is calling. ♪ ♪ Oh, come to the altar, the Father's arms are open wide. ♪ ♪ Forgiveness was bought with the precious blood of Jesus Christ. ♪ ♪ Oh, come to the altar, the Father's arms are open wide. ♪ ♪ Forgiveness was bought with the precious blood of Jesus Christ. ♪ ♪ Forgiveness was bought with the precious blood of Jesus Christ. ♪ What a beautiful sight. What a beautiful sight. We are so honored to be a part of this moment with you where you make your confession. Where you put your faith and trusts in the God who loves you, who made you. Who knew you'd be here on this date at this time. Who knew every road you would take and every time you would run away. But you'd be drawn back by his kindness, his patience, his love. And now he's ready to meet you. He's ready to forgive your sins. He's ready to adopt you into his family. He's ready to write your name in the book of life. to make all things new. He's about to pour out his spirit in your life. And so, I'm just gonna give you a simple prayer

to say to God, because he's here and he's listening. And God always keeps his promises. So say this out loud to God, wherever you are, say this. Lord God, I open my heart and I invite you inside. Forgive my sin. Today I repent. Now fill me with your spirit and I will walk with you all the days of my life. I pray this in Jesus' name, amen. Amen, guys, congratulations. Welcome to the family of God. So before you go back to your seats, I'm gonna ask you for five more minutes. You just made the most important decision of your life. So I'm gonna ask you to follow me and our leaders to that open door right there. And you'll be back with your friends in just five minutes. Church, can we give them a hand as they go this way? And church, let's just take a moment and sing a song of praise, of gratitude to God for what he is doing in this house. Let's worship. We have a lot to celebrate this morning. So we sing, so I throw up my hands. So I throw up my hands, praise you again and again. Cause all that I have is a high place. So I throw up my hands, praise you again and again. Cause all that I have is a hallelujah, hallelujah. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. Except for a heart singing hallelujah, hallelujah.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. Except for a heart singing hallelujah, hallelujah. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. Except for a heart singing hallelujah, hallelujah. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. Except for a heart singing hallelujah, hallelujah. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. Except for a heart singing hallelujah, hallelujah. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. Except for a heart singing hallelujah, hallelujah. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. Except for a heart singing hallelujah, hallelujah. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. Except for a heart singing hallelujah, hallelujah. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. Except for a heart singing hallelujah, hallelujah. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. And I know it's not much, I'm nothing else fit for a king. Come into the front ready to pray with you. But if not, have a great rest of your Sunday. And we will see you again next week, see ya. Bye bye.