Back On Track with My Relationships - Saddleback Weekend Service

♪ When all I see is the battle, you see my victory. ♪ ♪ When all I see is the mountain, you see a mountain roof. ♪ ♪ And as I walk through the shadow, your love surrounds me. ♪ ♪ There's nothing to fear now, for I am safe with you. ♪ Alright, here we go. Are you ready? Let's sing it together. ♪ So when I fight, I fight on my knees with my hands lifted high. ♪ ♪ Oh God, the battle belongs to you. And every fear I lay at your feet. ♪ ♪ I'll sing through the night. Oh God, the battle belongs to you. ♪ Here we go. ♪ And if you are for me, who can be against me? For Jesus, there's nothing impossible for you. ♪ ♪ When all I see are the ashes, you see their beauty. Yes you do God. ♪ ♪ When all I see is the cross, God you see the empty tomb. ♪ Come on church, let's lift our hearts and sing. ♪ So when I fight, I fight on my knees with my hands lifted high. ♪ ♪ Oh God, the battle belongs to you. And every fear I lay at your feet. ♪ ♪ I'll sing through the night. Oh God, the battle belongs to you. ♪ Oh! ♪ An almighty fortress, you go before us. Nothing can stand against the power of our heart. ♪ ♪ You shine in the shadows, you win every battle. Nothing can stand against the power of our heart. ♪ ♪ An almighty fortress, you go before us. Nothing can stand against the power of our heart. ♪ ♪ You shine in the shadows, you win every battle. Nothing can stand against the power of our heart. ♪ ♪ An almighty fortress, you go before us. Nothing can stand against the power of our heart. ♪ ♪ You shine in the shadows, you win every battle. Nothing can stand against the power of our heart. ♪ Come on, let's lift our hearts. Let's sing it church. ♪ So when I fight, I'll fight on my knees. With my hands lifted high. Oh God, the battle belongs to you. ♪ Come on. ♪ I'll lay at your feet. I'll sing through the night. Oh God, the battle belongs to you. ♪ ♪ So when I fight, I'll fight on my knees. With my hands lifted high. Oh God, the battle belongs to you. ♪ ♪ I'll lay at your feet. I'll sing through the night. Oh God, the battle belongs to you. Oh God, the battle belongs to you. ♪ If you know the battle belongs to Jesus, go ahead and give Him a great big shout of praise. Come on.

Amen. The name of Jesus is the only name that is worthy of our praise today. It is the only name that can save. So let's bring Him in our worship and call on His name. Let's sing. ♪ Jesus, I pray, calling on the power of heaven ♪ ♪ I proclaim, and every weapon formed against me ♪ ♪ Must pray, in the mighty name of Jesus ♪ Let's sing together, declare. ♪ I draw a permanent boundary line ♪ ♪ The enemy has no right to come near my family ♪ Because of Jesus. ♪ No scheme could ever undo God's plans ♪ ♪ No matter the circumstance ♪ ♪ The cross has sealed my destiny ♪ ♪ In the mighty name of Jesus, we pray, I pray ♪ ♪ I'm calling on the power of heaven, I proclaim ♪ ♪ That every weapon formed against me, oh it must break ♪ ♪ It's in the mighty name of Jesus, and this is his promise ♪ So we sing. ♪ I will not fear, I will not fear when the enemy comes near ♪ ♪ On the doorframe of my life, it's the blood of Jesus Christ, yes ♪ ♪ I will not fear, I will not fear, there's an army of angels here ♪ ♪ I'm protected on all sides by the blood of Jesus Christ ♪ Let's encourage ourselves today. ♪ I will not fear, I will not fear when the enemy comes near ♪ ♪ When the enemy comes near, on the doorframe of my whole life ♪ ♪ It's the blood of Jesus Christ, I will not fear, I will not fear ♪ ♪ There's an army of angels here, I'm protected on all sides ♪ ♪ By the blood of Jesus Christ, in the mighty name of Jesus, hey ♪ ♪ In the mighty name of Jesus, hey ♪

♪ I pray, I'm calling on the power of heaven ♪ ♪ I proclaim, every weapon formed against me, oh, let's pray ♪ ♪ It's in the mighty name of Jesus, do we believe today? ♪ ♪ Do we believe today? In the mighty name of Jesus, oh, I know ♪ ♪ All the power of fear and darkness, it must go ♪ ♪ And every key to every victory, yeah, I hope ♪ ♪ In the mighty name of Jesus, it's in the mighty name of Jesus ♪ ♪ Jesus, it's in the mighty name of Jesus, hey ♪ Was anybody grateful today that Jesus' name has power? Power to heal, power to save, power to deliver. And that's why we lift our hearts because that name is worthy. Do you believe it? That name is worthy. ♪ You are worthy of it all ♪ ♪ You are worthy of it all ♪ ♪ For from you are all things, and to you are all things ♪ ♪ You deserve the glory, you're worthy, you're worthy of it all ♪ Yes, you are, Lord. ♪ You are worthy of it all, for from you are all things ♪ ♪ For from you are all things, and to you are all things ♪ ♪ You deserve the glory, you're worthy, you're worthy of it all ♪ He is worthy. Let's lift our hearts and sing. Day and night, say Day and night, night and day, Let incense arise Day and night, night and day, Let incense arise Day and night, day and night, Night and day, Let incense arise Day and night, Come on, one more time, church. Day and night, say Day and night, night and day, Let incense arise

Day and night, night and day, Let incense arise Day and night, night and day, Let incense arise Day and night, night and day He's worthy, say You're worthy of it all You're worthy of it all So I'll tell you who you are And to who you are all You deserve, you deserve One more time, church With everything we've got You're worthy, say You're worthy of it all You're worthy of it all So I'll tell you who you are And to who you are all You deserve, you deserve Shout Jesus from the mountains Jesus in the streets, say Jesus in the darkness Over every enemy Jesus for my family I speak the holy name Jesus One more time Shout Jesus, say Shout Jesus from the mountains Jesus in the streets, oh Jesus in the darkness Over every enemy

Jesus for my family I speak the holy name Jesus Your name is power, say Your name is power Your name is power Your name is life Break every stronghold Break every stronghold Shine through the shadows Like a fire Like a fire Your name is power Your name is power Your name is power Your name is life So break every stronghold Shine through the shadows Burn like a fire Well, our God is worthy of all praise and worthy of all worship We are so glad that you are here with us this weekend as we get to praise and lift up the name of Jesus together Welcome to church, family We are so glad that you're here And if it's your first time checking out Saddleback we're glad that you decided to join us for these next couple moments as we're in service together We would love to help you get connected We know that checking out a church for the first time

can be a little nerve-wracking so we want to personally connect with you answer any questions that you might have and help you get plugged in So you can let us know it's your first time by clicking the link in the description if you're watching on YouTube or we have a Saddleback app that you can download Set your campus to online community and then open the notes section That's going to allow you to access our digital program and let us know that it's your first time there Well, we are so grateful that our online community is a space where we get to grow in our faith together It's not just watching service online but it's being engaged in community and taking next steps And our heart is that every person in our church would take a next step to help them to grow in their faith And so we want to invite you to pull out the Saddleback app right now One, so you can get ready for the message notes as Pastor Stacey preaches and also so you can look at what next steps are available to take whether it's joining a small group whether it's attending Activate or whether it's letting us know

you wanna be baptized or that you decided to follow Jesus for the first time, that app is gonna be a great resource and tool to do that. And we also wanna invite you to let us know how we can be praying for you through the Saddleback app. We are about to step into 21 days of prayer as a church family, where for the next 21 days, we're gonna be praying together. And we're gonna be taking those prayer requests and praying over them as a church family. And so as we step into the new year together, we wanna invite you to let us know how our church family can come alongside you and be praying for God to be moving in your life. So let us know through the Saddleback app how we can be praying. And 21 days of prayer, we're so excited for it because starting on January 26th, at all of our campuses, 7 a.m., we are gathering together to pray. And so we wanna invite you to participate in that. If you're by one of our local campuses, this is a great opportunity to join in person. And if you're not, you can still join us online. So to find out more information, you can go to saddleback.com slash prayer. Well, we are so excited for the message today that Pastor Stacey is gonna bring. But before we listen to her, let's hear this message from Pastor Andy

about what we can look forward to in the coming weeks as a church family. So let's join him right now. Hey, church family. In just a moment, you're gonna see a video that is a recap of what God did in our midst last year at the Return Gathering. And your heart is gonna be inspired for what God's gonna do as we gather together February 18th through 20th. And I wanna invite you to be a part of that gathering. We're entering into a season of calling on the name of the Lord to move in our midst. And on Monday morning at all of our campuses, we're launching into 21 days of prayer and fasting. And I wanna invite you to be there on Monday morning at 7 a.m. at your local campus. Let's cry out to God for our generation, for him to move in our midst, for him to impact kids, students, people who are far from his heart, and to ask this year to be a year where he blesses and moves in power as that leads us into the Return Gathering February 18th through 20th. So I wanna encourage you, be with us Monday morning. Now, in just a moment after this video, Stacey, my wife, is gonna come and deliver a message to continue our series back on track. But let's first watch this video

of all that God did at last year's Return Gathering. What did you do when you first fell in love with Jesus? What did we do? We couldn't stay in the room long enough when we would worship. We would stay up late to talk to Jesus. Like all the things that we did at first, he's going, do the first works. You haven't done too much and you are not too far gone. No sin is too great and no time is too late for you to return to the Lord. Just be honest to God and say, God, I can't do this without you. He is gracious and compassionate. He wants to show you mercy. The Lord God Almighty is drawing near and he is saying there is a window of opportunity to respond. Do not harden your heart as the Lord speaks. Man, I don't know about you, but I am so excited and expectant about what's gonna happen over the course of the next month here at Saddleback Church. Between 21 days of prayer leading straight into the Return Gathering, God is going to do so much among us. I'm glad you're here for it. And I just wanna welcome you today. Wanna welcome our campuses that are joining us. Those of you at each of our extensions around the world

are joining us online. We know that we are one church that meets in many locations and we're so thankful that you are a part of it with us. We love you. So today we're talking about relationships and particularly those relationships that are a bit challenging in our lives. We all got them, right? And for some of us, I thought we could share a little bit about relationships in our family to get us kicked off today. So everybody knows that relationships with your siblings can be a bit of a challenge, right? Pretty common problem. And one thing that makes it even more complicated is when the youngest child comes into the world thinking they own the place, like kind of feeling like they're in charge, right? Does anybody else have this situation in your home where the youngest kid came on the scene just kind of thinking they were born to be in charge and they have completely disregarded birth order. It does not matter to them that they are the smallest in stature and it would be great if they could kind of fall in line. None of that matters to them. That is the case in our home. We have a daughter, Charis, who is our youngest.

And she came out fighting, kicking, just like so much personality in this little body. And so I remember when she was little, I used to always say, Charis is the epitome of sugar and spice because she was the cutest little child. Like she was so endearing, so adorable. But you can see in this picture, she's a bit cheeky, right? Like she's got a bit of an attitude. She's gonna take up plenty of space in life. And so obviously this is not gonna go great with her older brothers. And one day she is just giving Sammy a run for his money and he is so frustrated with her. He's just exasperated by these interactions. So he comes to me for a little backup support. And he's like, mom, help me out. And so Andy and I had been working very diligently with our kids on how to do a proper apology. So I call Charis over and I'm like, Charis, you need to apologize to Sammy for how you've been treating him today. She's about four years old at this point. You need to apologize. And so she looks at him. She puts her hands on her hips and she gets this stinky look on her face. And she goes, I'm sorry, Sammy, for terrorizing you. And then she just burst out laughing. And I was like, I didn't even know you knew that word,

terrorizing, but from then on, her nickname became Charis the Terrorist. It just seems like it fit. So all of us have relationships in our life that are just harder to manage, right? It's super easy to get off track in our relationships. And so the whole month of January, we have devoted our time to thinking about how can we get every area of our life back on track with God? How can we put God at the center of our lives in every different area? How can we honor Jesus with our finances? How can we honor Jesus with our health? How can we honor Jesus with our work? And today we're talking about how can we honor Jesus in the way that we relate to other people? Now, the truth is I do not have to convince any of you that relationships carry pain with them, right? All of us experience this. And the thing about relationships is that I would even go so far to say that relational pain is the heaviest kind of pain. Do you feel that too, that of all the different types of pain that you experience, for me, relational pain carries the heaviest burden. And I think that's for two reasons. One is that it's pervasive, like it affects everything. And the other is just that it's so persistent, like it doesn't go away.

Like if you get mad at someone that's like driving down the road, or they get mad at you, like that's gonna pass really quickly. But if you have a core relationship in your life, man, it is like such a heavy weight. And you just can't put it down. So you just kind of end up carrying it around with you everywhere you go. And people are like, hey, you doing okay? You seem a little heavy these days. And you're like, oh, do I? I think I'm doing okay. But people can tell, right? Like when we're carrying around this weight, and we just, we can't set it down anywhere. Like if you're in a fight with your spouse, you take that with you everywhere. It affects everything. If you've got a kid that you're out of sorts with, you're always thinking about it. And so you just take it in with you to work. Just like sits on your lap with you at your desk. Or maybe you're driving down the road by yourself, you're just gonna put it right there in the passenger seat. It's just like staring at you. And it never leaves us alone. Relational pain is the heaviest kind of pain because we can never put it down. It's pervasive, and it's persistent.

You know, in a group like this, with all the people spread across all of our campuses, there's such a wide variety of relational pain. And I know that some of you have like completely been cut off from certain loved ones in your life where you have no communication with them anymore because there was such a rift in the relationship that it's just completely cut off. I know for many of you, you're in relationship with people where there just doesn't feel like there's this emotional connectedness. And on the outside, maybe your relationship looks fine. No one would suspect anything at all. But you know inside that you feel lonely, that you don't feel understood, that you don't feel seen. In fact, I thought this was so interesting how widespread this feeling is. I was reading a report this week by the American Psychiatric Association. Listen to what it said. 25, 33% of people living with their family reported feeling lonely most of the time. Most of the time. These are not people who are living by themselves in an apartment somewhere. They're living with their family. One out of three of us feel lonely. Look around the room. One out of three of us feel lonely most of the time,

even when we're in close proximity to other people because we've lost the art of connecting at a heart level. And so we live these lives that run like well-oiled machines but our relationships are a hollow shell. And there's pain in that. When you feel like you're known by your name but not by your heart. When no one truly sees you. So what do we do with this? Like I know that so many of you are dealing with this kind of pain in your life, in your relationships. And right here at the top of the message, before we really jump into the meat of it, I just wanna give you a moment to think about who is that in your life? Like who is the person, one of the core relationships of your life that you wish you could get it back on track? You would do anything to get it back in alignment. Who is that person? And I just thought maybe you could write it down or put it, maybe it's too personal to write it down. Maybe you just hold it in your mind. And throughout this message, we're just gonna ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you specifically about that person and how you could move towards them in relationship. So why don't we do that right now? Can we just pray at all of our campuses and just lift up these names before God?

So Father, I just wanna come to you on behalf of all of these relationships that are heavy on our hearts. God, would you give a specific name to each person, the relationship that you want them to get back on track? And over the course of the next few minutes, would you speak to our hearts and show us what that looks like? In Jesus' name we pray, amen. Now, the question remains, what does the Bible have to say about these relationships in our lives? Because here's the thing, here at Saddleback, we believe that the Bible holds the authority over our lives. And through the word of God, he's given us everything we need for life and godliness. There is so much in the Bible that talks about how we should love one another, how we should forgive one another, that if I were to go through every passage on relationships in the Bible, we'd be here for weeks. So what can we deduce from what the Bible teaches? How can we get the help that we need for our relationships? Now, before we go to the word of God, there's some foundational principles that we can extract that are so important for us to learn how to relate to one another. And the first one is like so foundational. If any of you have ever been to therapy,

this is like, you've heard this one before. And it's just that you cannot change another person, right? As much as we would love to be able to change another person, like it's just not in our wheelhouse of things we get to do, as much as you would love to change the way they chew, or the way that they drive, or the way that they breathe, or whatever the thing is that just drives you nuts and you'd love to change it, it's just not in that column of things that are in your control. You can't change another person, but what you can do is that you can focus on your own growth. You can focus on your own growth, and that is good news because you know what that means is you're not stuck. You have agency. So you don't, you're not stuck the way that you are right now, the way that you feel, the way that you behave, the way that you think. It can change. It can grow. By the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit that lives inside of us, we can grow. And so that is a foundational point.

Like we cannot change someone else, but we can change ourselves. We can grow. So if you spend a lot of energy on trying to change another person, man, you're gonna be super frustrated. Really low return on investment for all that energy spent. But if you will invest your time and attention into your own personal growth, becoming the type of person that God has created you to be, you are going to have such a fruitful life and it's going to change your relationships. That's foundational principle number one. The second one is this. God will not hold you accountable for another person. And can, I just say, that's. Really good news, because how many times do we feel like guilty by association? Right, like that was their dumb choice, but it's like a reflection on us just because I'm close to them. That's how we feel sometimes. Any mamas out there ever gotten called to the principal's office because one of your kids did something? I mean, this has never happened to me, but I know for some of you guys, this is a real situation. And, but it's like the walk of shame

through that front office when you get called in. You're just like, I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's never gonna happen again. You feel like what your kid did is your fault. It's like, but that's not how God judges us. That's not how God holds us accountable for our kids' behavior, or our parents' behavior, or our spouse's behavior. You are not accountable for that. But we are accountable for ourselves. God will hold us accountable for ourselves. And that's really important for us to remember because God cares about the way that we treat other people. It's like a, it's a little bit of a sobering reminder, right, that God hears every conversation. And he sees all the stinky faces that you make. And he knows the intentions of our heart and the thoughts in our minds, and it all matters to him because God cares about the way that we relate to one another. So here comes this unanswered question. It's like, how can we get our relationship back on track if we can't control the other person? Because a relationship, you know, it takes two to tango. And so if I'm like putting in all the effort, if I'm the one that's willing to grow, but the other person is not, then how can I ever have hope that this relationship could get back on track? Well, there's a little phrase in the Bible

that expresses God's expectations of us when it comes to relationships. And this is what it says. It says, as far as it depends on you, as far as it depends on you. This verse is found in Romans chapter 12, verse 18. The whole verse says, if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people. Be at peace with everyone. Now, wouldn't that be the dream? Like to get to be at peace with everybody. It's like, yeah, I'll take that option, thank you. But how many of you know that that's not always possible? Right, like you can't force someone to forgive you. You can't force someone to reconcile with you or even to have a meal with you so you can talk it over. We can't force that upon somebody, but that's not what God is asking of you. He's not saying be at peace with everyone. He's saying, if it is possible, as far as it depends on you to be at peace with everyone. So what does that look like? Like what exactly does God mean when he's talking about as far as it depends on me? Like, God, what do you want me to do in relationship with this person that's so hard to get along with? Well, like I said, there's so much in the Bible that talks about our relationships. I actually had a really hard time this week

deciding on which passage to teach from because it was so broad. But I was looking at the whole passage of Romans 12 where this verse comes from. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, be at peace with everyone. And there were a lot of really good nuggets in that chapter. And I thought about teaching the chapter of Romans 12, but it was like, it was really broad. It talked about loving sincerely. It talked about hating what is evil and clinging to what is good. It talks about not repaying evil for evil, but overcoming evil with good. So there's so much truth in this whole passage about relating to one another, forgiving one another. But I was like, man, if I go through this whole passage, it's gonna feel like a fire hose. And you're just like, whoa, what is this? I don't remember any of it. I just got hit in the face. So what I decided to do is pick out one verse and to double click on this one verse because a couple of reasons. One, there's so much richness in this one verse. And secondly, this verse has really been ministering to me this week. There's some stuff that we're going through. And this verse has been like such a stabilizing force in my life.

It's super easy to remember. I hope that you'll memorize this verse tonight and you'll carry it with you in your heart. It simply says this, Romans 12, 12. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Can we say that together at all of our campuses? Will you say that with me? Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction. and faithful in prayer. I want to say a few words about those three things. Joyful and hope. Over in the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 13, that is the love chapter. And you probably are familiar with it. It starts off with love is patient, love is kind. And there's this one phrase in that chapter that says love always hopes. That's what love does. Love reaches for a better future. Love believes the best, it hopes for the best. Love always hopes. But let's just be honest, hope can be really hard to come by if you are stuck in a chronically challenging relationship where you just feel like this is never gonna get better. And what happens is that hope begins to wane and it's replaced by cynicism. And our hearts begin to grow cold. And we believe that we're stuck like this,

that there's no hope, that things will never be different than they are right now. But you know, hope is such a powerful virtue. It could be the difference between life and death for people. Back in the Nazi concentration camps, a person that had hope was much more likely to survive. And when a person lost their hope and their purpose for living, they typically would quickly pass away. The virtue of hope has a sustaining power to our lives. Now, there's a quote by John Piper. I wanted to read this to you. It says, hope is the soil where joy grows. When life is hard, you can either give up on joy or you can get it from hope. You see, when you're in the middle of some really intense circumstances that are no fun at all, joy's hard to come by, isn't it? It's like, I am not enjoying this at all. So where do you get joy? You get it by looking to a future hope, that this pain is temporary, this pain will not be here forever, that one day there will be a better day. And so that future hope feeds today's joy. You see that? It's like the future that could be better. It's giving you the strength and the joy to remain today.

You know, there is nothing that is impossible for God. And so as Christians, so many times, how many times do we speak death over something that God intends to live? Like God never told you that that thing is dead, and yet we're speaking death with our words over that circumstance or that relationship, but God intends it to live. Nothing is too hard for God. He is the God of miracles. There is no prodigal that is too far gone. He brings dead things back to life. He is the God that takes that stony, hardened heart and replaces it with a heart of flesh. He is able to breathe life into the dead, dry bones of your marriage today. So don't speak death over things that God intends to live. There is always hope if you are in Christ. And what if your breakthrough is just around the corner? There's always hope in Christ. But sometimes we need something a little bit stronger than the hope that this relationship could ever get better. Like regardless of what happens in this present circumstance, even if the prodigal doesn't come home, even if your father never says that he's sorry, even if your marriage just crumbles because your spouse disregards your covenant, even then you can have hope in something that is greater.

The Bible talks about in the book of Hebrews this hope that is an anchor for our soul. The fact that Jesus Christ has gone before us, that he's prepared a way for us to have a different kind of life, that there's an eternal reality that will wipe away the pain of this present circumstance. There is a hope that is an anchor for our souls. This is a resilient kind of joy, right? It's a defiant kind of joy. Like even in the midst of this, I can still have joy because I know that this pain is temporary. Because it's not rooted in this present circumstance, it's rooted in the future hope. So this kind of joy is saying, hey, things are really rough right now, but I know that my God is more than able. I know that weeping may remain for tonight, but joy comes in the morning. It's a future hope. that I'm clinging to, and that is an anchor for your soul. So we're instructed in this passage to be joyful in hope. Don't give up on hope. The second instruction is to be patient in affliction. Now, let's just be honest. We are not the most resilient generation that has ever walked planet Earth. We are kind of known for giving up a little bit a little too soon.

For example, our resiliency levels, right? So we're the kind of generation that needs to like take a mental health day when our boss gives us some feedback, right? Like just, I gotta recover, I gotta recover from that. We're the kind of generation that would rather just go ahead and pay the $50 late fee than actually have to call and talk to a real human being on the other end, like to sort it out. It's like, you know what, you can have the money. I'm not doing that. We're the kind of generation that will just cut you. Like if you don't reply to our text or if you send a text that feels a little bit aggressive in its tone, oh, we will cut you and we will just move right along. Like we don't even need to talk about it, okay? Like we're fine, it's fine, we're just moving. That's the level of resiliency we have in this generation. And so can we just be real that that level of emotional fragility, it is having a negative effect on our staying power in long-term relationships because we don't wanna do the hard work to push through the hard thing, right? We would rather look for an easier out. There was a study done by Cornell University recently and it estimated that 27% of American adults are currently estranged from a close family member, mom, dad, sibling, and you think about that, okay? Currently estranged, little to no communication.

That's one in four of us that have lost contact with core relationships in our life. Now listen, I know that there are people that have been in abusive relationships and those types of relationships, they do need to be cut off. You need to get yourself safe. And if that is you today, if you are in a relationship like that, can I just tell you, we wanna help you. We have a whole pastoral care department that would love to come alongside you and get you the help and the healing that you need. But that's not the kind of relationship I'm talking about right now. I'm talking about challenging relationships, relationships where you kind of feel like giving up, like it's not worth the fight anymore, but that's not what God is asking of us. He's saying, I want you to be patient in affliction. I want you to bear up under it. I want you to have the courage to remain. That is the strength that God is asking of us. I read a article a few weeks ago, and it was about women in midlife that were quietly quitting on their marriages. That's what they called it, quietly quitting. Basically what it meant was that they were emotionally and physically just checking out on their marriage, even though they were staying in the same home.

They weren't quitting because of apathy, like they didn't care. They were quitting because of exhaustion. Like they had tried so hard, and maybe they had done the couples counseling, and they had had the conversations, and it was like nothing was getting better, and they just ran out of steam. And they were like, I don't have any fight left in me. And so they just quietly quit on their marriage and let a part of that relationship die. Folks, we do this in all kinds of relationships. How many of us have quietly quit on parenting? We're just kind of like whatever, just do what you want to do. You don't want to spend time together, fine. You don't want to talk to me, whatever. You don't want to obey what I'm asking of you, just do what you want to do. It's whatever. I don't have the energy to keep fighting with you. And so as parents, we just back off, and we quietly quit on our kids when actually what they need is for us to press in. We are losing so much. It comes at such a great cost when we have estrangement from these core relationships in our life. It's not at all the way that God designed us to live in loving relationship with one another.

The call of Romans 12 is not to quietly quit, it's to be patient in affliction, to not give up, and to have the courage to remain. There's a promise for us in the book of 1 Peter 5. I want you to see this phrase, it says. talking about the God of grace. And it says, after you have suffered a little while, he himself will restore you and make you strong and firm and steadfast. How many of you need the God of grace to restore you today, to give you a little resiliency, to make you strong and firm and steadfast in this relationship where you would love to quit, you would love an easy out, you'd love to throw in the towel? Listen, friends, I know, personally, I know firsthand the exhaustion of being in a relationship that is chronically challenging. And I feel like I should say it's not Andy. Just wanna make sure that's clear. I, just like you, have battled with overwhelming desires to just quit, to throw in the towel and give up. And sometimes the only thing that motivates me to get back in the ring for one more round is that I don't wanna live with regret. I wanna know at the end of the day that as far as it's up to me, as far as it depends on me, I gave it everything I had.

This kind of patience and affliction, it's hard. There's suffering in relationships, but the Lord can renew your strength. His mercies are new every morning. I heard a story recently about this couple in our church, actually, who they were struggling in their marriage. On the outside, everything looked great. On the inside, they knew. They were just like kind of running parallel lives, not really connected to one another. And someone invited them to be a part of a small group here at Saddleback. It was a marriage small group. And they had these marriage mentors and then some other peer couples that were, they just started living life with them and they started being honest about what they were going through. They told me it changed their lives. It changed the trajectory of their marriage. And so I just wanna extend that invitation to you. Like it's our desire that everyone at Saddleback would get involved in community because we believe that that does give you a staying power. You're so much stronger when there's people that are running the race with you than when you're some lone soldier off by yourself. And so can I just encourage you today, if you are not yet in a group,

would you consider joining one? We're about to launch a whole new semester of spring life groups or small groups. And let me tell you, we have something for everyone. They are on all days of the week. They are at all locations, no matter where you live. We've got them close to your campus. We have them on all different topics. And listen, it literally could change your life. It could change your relationships. It could change your marriage. And so there's gonna be a QR code that comes up on the screen right now. And if you will scan that, it will take you to the group finder. Super simple to sort by these groups, to find a group that will work for you. But friends, let me just encourage you, don't go at relationships alone. We were made for community and it will help us so much. Now, this final instruction that Paul gives us in Romans 12, he says for us to be joyful in hope, to be patient in affliction, and the final one is faithful in prayer. Faithful in prayer. You know, the greatest battle that you will ever fight in prayer is persistence. It's persistence when you feel like your prayers are literally having no effect.

I know that so many of you have been praying for a relationship in your life, maybe for years. So have I. And sometimes you don't see any movement. And it can be very discouraging. You know, this past week I was in this very room, reading and praying over those prayer cards that you guys have turned in the last few weeks. And I had a stack of them that I was praying through. And I think that people, we realize how much we are in need of God in our relationships, because so many of those prayer cards were about relationships in people's lives that were broken. And one woman, she wrote this whole little story of what she was going through in this relationship. And her final line just says, God, I need you. Like, we know that we can't go at this alone, that we need the help of God. At our house, we have this funny little closet. And it, I have a picture of it. It's like, you have to kind of jump to get in this closet. You can tell it's very small, it's like maybe three feet. You can't stand in it. But this closet has become a sacred space for me. This is like my war room. And you can see on the walls, I have names, I have needs, I have prayer requests taped all over the walls.

And I go in this little closet most days and I do battle in the spiritual realm. But you know what else I'm doing battle with is my own self, my own heart. I have to battle with myself. I have to fight to maintain faith when it doesn't feel like my prayers are being heard. I have to fight to continue to believe what God says is true about me, to believe his promises, that he's spoken over us, to know that he's faithful and true and that the one who promised will do it. So I go in this little prayer closet every day and you know what? Some days, not every day, but some days, I really think I move mountains in there. But you know what happens in that little prayer closet almost every day? He restores my soul. And I just come and I bring to my father all of my brokenness and all of my relationships that are out of sort and all of my insecurities and all of my inadequacies and I lay them before my father and he reminds me of what is true about me. He reminds me that he holds all authority, that all wisdom is his, that he's got the whole world in his hands. He reminds me that he loves my loved ones more than I do and he is chasing them down with his goodness and mercy every day of their lives.

He reminds me that prayer is having an effect. You know, our prayers are like little seeds that we plant in the rich soil of God's love for us and we don't know when that seed is gonna sprout. We don't know how long it's gonna take to germinate or to show signs of life. It might be there for a long time, but we can, by faith, continue to plant seeds in the soil of God's love, believing that one day there will be a harvest that will spring forth because of those prayers. Listen, prayer has a powerful effect on changing our circumstances, first of all, but also changing us, of sustaining us. On Monday, our church is entering into a really special season. 21 days of prayer and fasting. The fasting is for the Navy SEALs out there that want to join us and that all of you who are like hardcore, I'm gonna do it, you can join us in fasting, but everyone, 21 days of prayer, and we're gonna be meeting at all of our campuses, you know this, 7 a.m., five days a week, and what we're praying is that it would be a season of breakthrough for our church, that the rooms at every one of our campuses would be filled with students and with young adults and with moms and dads and grandparents and business people and people that are coming together to seek the Lord for such a time as this.

I wanna give you a word picture of why we are doing 21 days of prayer, why are we doing the return gathering? All of us have heard those heroic stories about these courageous soldiers that will hold the line, they're holding the line of the territory that they've already conquered, that they've gotten to be safe, but they're not making very much progress, they're just holding the line, but sometimes holding a line can come at great cost. Sometimes you're super close to the enemy, there are battles where the front lines were just yards away from one another, and holding the line was the victory, it was the win for the day, and in our spiritual journeys, I feel like holding the line is like our regular spiritual practices from day to day, holding the line is coming to church on the weekends, and we may not be making a ton of progress on an average Tuesday, but we're holding the line, we're not losing ground, like Jesus is Lord and I'm still standing, and so that's the victory sometimes, right? But then there are moments where the command will come and the entire army will surge, and there will be this unified, courageous moment where the army will go beyond enemy lines, and they will take new ground,

they will take back what the enemy took from them, it's a moment of breakthrough, that's what 21 days of prayer is, that's what the return is. that we're standing here holding the line, standing strong, but now there is a call on our whole church family, we're gonna surge, we're gonna do it together, we're gonna bust through enemy lines and we're gonna take back some ground that he's taken from us, right? Take back our families, take back those relationships, take back those years that felt like they were wasted. I don't know what kind of breakthrough you need, but there will be breakthrough over the next month, at Saddleback Church and you don't wanna miss it. Well, do you have a prodigal that you need to come home? Do you have a marriage that's dead and lifeless and you need resurrection power? Do you have an addiction that you've tried so hard to break? Do you need healing in your life? This will be a moment of breakthrough for our church family. And so if I were you, I would do whatever I had to do to get in the room. I would rearrange my schedule to get in the room. I would show up for school late. I would show up for work late. I would show up so hungry and desperate and expectant and just cry out, Jesus, don't pass me by. Jesus, I need you in my life, in my relationships. I need a breakthrough.

Jesus, don't pass us by. Listen, friends, there is power in our prayers. There is power in unified prayer. And so the invitation for you to get your relationships back on track, it begins with fervent prayer. I wonder how long you've been carrying around this heavy weight of relationships in your life that are just burdening you, just weighing you down all the time. You know, all of us walk in here on the weekends and we're carrying our own burdens. And sometimes we cover them up pretty well and sometimes it's all we can do to make it in the door. But we just lug around the burden of our relationships and the burden of our pain and the burden of our sin. And folks, today Jesus is saying, would you unburden yourself by laying it at my feet? That you can trust me with this thing that's weighing you down. Because listen, I care about the things that you care about. I care about the relationships in your life. I care about the sin that you're struggling with. I care about all of these things. And Jesus is saying, you don't have to walk out of here burdened today. You can trust him with this. Jesus is inviting you today to be joyful in hope, to be patient in affliction and to be faithful in prayer. I wonder if you might just wanna pray for a minute right now and ask Jesus to help you

with whatever relationship you're struggling with in your life. Could we just do that together? Father, thank you that you care about our relationships, that you gave us the example of how to live in loving connection with you and with other people. Father, we just wanna lift up these names before you of relationships in our life that are broken, relationships that are burdening our hearts. Father, I pray that you would, that you would break through in these relationships. God, that you would be the change agent. God, we can't change that person. We can't change their hearts. But God, we just trust you that you are the God who can take a hardened heart and put in there a heart of flesh. God, we're believing that you can work miracles, that you can speak life into dead places, that you care about our parents, you care about our children, you care about our siblings, you care about our spouses. God, we bring them all to you and we ask for your help. We just acknowledge our need for your intervention. So come, Holy Spirit, show us as individuals how you want us to respond. How can we step toward connection? We offer this part of our life to you. We want to please you. In Jesus' name, amen.

Well, I am so grateful that we have a God who loves us and a God of hope, a God of joy, and a God who hears our prayers. And we would love to be praying for you. Is there a relationship in your life that needs healing? Is there a breakthrough that you're waiting for, a job? opportunity to open up. Whatever it may be, we would love to be praying for you. And so we want to invite you to let us know how we can be praying for you by scanning the QR code that you see on the screen or going to the Saddleback app and letting us know that way as well. And we also want to remind you that you don't have to walk through this life alone. Whether it's joining a support group, joining a small group, getting plugged in to celebrate recovery, there are care resources available for you as our online community. And so we want to encourage you and invite you to check them out through the Saddleback app. And friends, I am so grateful because these care resources on the other side of them are people's obedience. It is people that have said, God, we trust you with all areas of our life, including our finances. And so Lord, we are obedient to you in returning the first 10%, that tithe, that first 10% back to God. And so if you call Saddleback church, your home church, and you want to give your tithes and your offerings today, you can do so by texting the word, give to 83,000. You can click the link in the description, or you can give through the Saddleback app. Well, friends, we're going to continue to worship. So let's join our church family for this. Jesus, the greatness of his mercy and love at the feet of Jesus. And we cry, holy, holy, holy is the lamb. We worship the one who is worthy, Lord. There is none like you, God. Let's sing this again. We fall down at his feet. We fall down, we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus. And the greatness of his mercy and love at the feet of Jesus. And we cry, holy, holy, holy. And we cry, holy, holy, holy is the lamb. Oh, praise you, Lord. And we cry, holy, holy.

We join with angels and elders to sing. How high you are, how glorious you are. We cry, holy, holy, holy is the lamb. Let's sing this once more. We cry, we cry, holy, holy, holy. Yes, he is. We cry, holy, holy, holy. And we cry, holy, holy, holy is the lamb. Well, church family, thank you so much for joining us today. And hey, before you go, we want to remind you, if there's something that you need prayer for, or a next step that you want to take in your faith, whether it's joining a small group, or maybe you want to start a relationship with Jesus for the very first time, we would love to know about it. So we can come alongside you, be praying for you, and helping you take next steps on your faith journey. So you can let us know by scanning the QR code you see on the screen, clicking the link in the description, or opening the Saddleback app. And we also want to invite you to join us for 21 days of prayer as we seek the heart of God together. We're starting it on January 26th. You can find out more information at saddleback.com slash prayer. Well, we're so glad that you're here today, and we can't wait to see you again next weekend. Thanks for watching!