Approval Addiction | Joel Osteen

- God bless you. It's great to be with you today. I hope you'll stay connected with us during the week through our daily podcast, our YouTube channel, social media, and you can come visit us in person. We'd love to have you be a part of one of our services. I like to start with something funny and I heard about this mother. She was cooking breakfast for her two young boys. Ryan was five and Kevin was three. Then begin to argue over who should get the first pancake. She saw this as an opportunity to teach them a lesson. She said, boys, boys, if Jesus were here, he would say, let my brother have the first pancake. Ryan turned to his younger brother and said, okay, Kevin, you be Jesus. (audience laughing) Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today, I will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess, my mind is alert. My heart is receptive. I will never be the same in Jesus' name. God bless you. I want to talk to you today about approval addiction. Too many people make decisions

based on what other people will think about them. They run everything through a filter. How is this going to make me look? How are my friends, my coworkers perceive me? Will they be impressed? Will they applaud? Or will they look down on me? Will they think less? Instead of being confident in who God made them to be, they let the opinion of others determine what they do. They don't realize they're addicted to approval. Psychologists call this FOPO, F-O-P-O, fear of other people's opinion. And yes, we all want approval. We all want to be liked, but you can't become dependent on what other people think about you. Everyone is not going to understand you. Everyone won't celebrate you. There will be seasons when people are for you, giving you approval, then times when they're not. If you have that filter, I have to keep pleasing them. I need them to approve me to feel good about myself. Then you're letting them be in charge of who you are. But your destiny is not predicated on other people's opinion of you. Whether they like you, approve you, does not stop God's purpose for your life. When God laid out your plan, he didn't have a committee. He didn't form a group chat, call 12 of your friends,

say let's get together, decide who they're going to be, or by himself he called you, equipped you, gave you favor. If you live trying to please people and gain their approval, keep everyone happy, you're going to be frustrated. That's going to wear you out. You have to break free from what people think about you. You don't have to have their approval. You have almighty God's approval. Don't live to please people. Live to please God. He's the one that holds your destiny. Promotion doesn't come from people. It comes from the Lord. How much time and energy are you spending trying to get approval, trying to be well-lined, trying to keep this friend impressed, stay in this co-worker's favor, take the pressure off. You can't follow what God put in your heart if you're always trying to play up to people. What will they think? What if they don't approve? A much better question is, what will God think? I would much rather spend my time pleasing him than trying to please people. The Apostle Paul had all kinds of opinions about him. At one time, he was the biggest enemy of the church. Then he became a believer. Some people loved him. Others were skeptical.

Despite all this opposition, he wrote almost half of the New Testament, impacted the world in an amazing way. He gives us a secret of how he handled the pressure and how he dealt with all the opinions. He said in 1 Corinthians 4, "It matters very little to me what you or anyone else thinks. I have been faithful." Paul was saying, "I'm not looking to you for approval. I'm not basing my decisions on what you think, whether you like me or don't." That doesn't change who I am. He wasn't trying to please everyone. He was trying to please an audience of one. The one who called him. The one who gave him breath to breathe. He went on to say in that next verse, "My conscience is clear." He was saying, "I've done what God put in my heart. To the best of my ability, I pursued the dreams and goals he's placed in me." Some people didn't understand. Some didn't approve. But he wasn't ruled by their opinions. He wasn't insecure to where he needed people to validate him. He didn't have to fit into their mind. Now, don't miss your greatness because you're dependent on people approving you. Don't shrink back and let your dreams die stillborn because you're worried about what they may think, what they may say. They may not accept you, but that's an addiction that needs to be broken.

You have to be like Paul. Be bold. Have that attitude. It matters very little what people think, what they say. I don't need their approval to do what God's called me to do. If you're getting your approval from people, you're letting them control you. I'm not talking about never taking advice, not listening to counsel. I'm saying don't let their opinion become more important than what God put in your heart. If you can say like Paul, my conscience is clear. God, I've searched my heart to the best of my ability. I believe this is something you want me to do, that this is a part of my destiny, then you don't need 12 people to confirm it. You don't need all your family to cheer you on, your friends and co-workers to approve. You may not get that. Sometimes God will cause people to withhold their approval. It's a test. Are you going to let their lack of approval, their opinion keep you from becoming who you were created to be? When my father went to be with the Lord, I stepped up to pastor the church. I was insecure. I didn't feel qualified. I was trying to figure everything out, who I was going to be and how I was going to lead, what direction the church was going to go. There were a lot of different opinions. My personality type is to want to please people. I'm kind. I'll do anything for you. That can be good, but it also can be a weakness. There were all these different opinions and I found myself tempted to make decisions based on what people would think.

There was this man that had been on staff with us at the church for many years, a good friend of my father. I'd known him since I was a little boy and always liked him. One day he called and started telling me everything I needed to do. How to minister, how to run the church. He should do more of this, less of that. He was very opinionated, very strong. He said, "If you don't do these things, Joel, it's all going to go down." There's a fine line between advice and manipulation. I'm always open for new ideas. The problem was nothing he was telling me bore witness with my spirit. It's just the opposite of what I was feeling. What I've learned is you can hear God's voice for your life more than anyone else. God is not going to speak to someone else about your destiny and not tell you. Other people may confirm it. They may encourage you, but if it doesn't agree with your spirit, then you need to dismiss it. Don't let other people squeeze you into their mall. I looked up to this man like a father figured to me and I thought if I don't do what he wants, then he's not going to approve me. He may not support me. He may tell others, try to stir up trouble. All these reasons said, "Joel, you need his approval. You better take his opinion. Don't rock the boat." These are tests we have to pass. Am I going to please people or am I going to please God? I was afraid of what he would think and afraid he might be offended, afraid he might not like me. The scripture says, "fearing people is a dangerous trap."

It doesn't say a bad trap. It doesn't say it's unhealthy. It uses the word dangerous. It's because if you fear people, you can miss your destiny. If you let the opinion of others, what will they think? What if they don't approve me? If you let that hold you back, then you can miss who you were created to be. Something rose up in me like a holy boldness. I was respectful. I was kind, but I was very strong. I said in effect, thanks, but no thanks, I'm not following your plan. I'm going to follow what God put in my heart. Sometimes you have to go alone. You have to do it without the approval of those that you thought would be for you. Other people may not see what God put in you. They can't feel what you feel. He wasn't happy. He told me how it wasn't going to work out and how I was missing it. He ended up leaving the church. I was so thrilled. I mean disappointed. But I learned I didn't have to have his approval, you and God, or a majority. He didn't approve me, but Almighty God shined down his favor. But here's my point. Should I listen to that man and let the fear of people determine my decisions? We put too much emphasis on people's approval, but people didn't call you. People didn't crown you with favor. People didn't know you before you were formed in your mother's womb the most how God did. But worry about their opinions and get your approval from him. In the scripture, God told Jeremiah that before he was born, he had set Jeremiah apart and

called him to speak to nations, that he would be a prophet, that he would impact the culture. Jeremiah was a teenager. He felt unqualified. God told him he would give him the words to speak, wherever he went his hand of favor would be on him. After God spoke all these incredible things and told him how he would be a history maker, God finished by saying one last thing. He said, Jeremiah, don't be afraid of the people. God knew that people wouldn't understand him, that friends may not agree. He was saying, don't let the opinion of others hold you back. Don't let what they think, what they say keep you from fulfilling your purpose. God is saying that to us. Don't fear the people. If they don't approve you, that's not going to stop your purpose. What will stop you is if you let their opinion become more important than what God has put in your heart. In the late 1950s, my father was pastoring a successful church that just built a brand new sanctuary, held a thousand people that was unheard of back then. He was on the state board for his denomination. Life was good. My sister Lisa was born with something like cerebral palsy. The doctors told my parents that she would probably never be able to walk or feed herself. Of course, they were devastated. My father went to a hotel downtown to spend a few days alone reading his Bible and praying. He saw how all through the scripture Jesus went around healing people and how the Holy Spirit brings power and victory. He had been taught that God didn't heal now. That was just for back then. But that day his eyes were open. He came back to his church with this new fire and this new faith.

He began sharing with them. He thought everyone would be excited, but it was just the opposite. It didn't fit into their tradition. My father could have shrunk back, thought I don't want to rock this boat, I don't want people to not like me, I'll go back to what I used to be. He could have feared the people, let their disapproval override what God put in his heart. Instead, he chose to please God. Some people didn't like it. They got upset. They ended up asking my parents to leave the church. But the scripture says it is better to obey God than to obey people. There will be these times where you have to make a decision, am I going to stick with my convictions, am I going to be who God made me to be, or am I going to let the approval of people, am I going to let their opinion determine my destiny. If you suffer from approval addiction, if you're not confident in who you are and you need people to validate you, you'll always shrink back and let them control your future. But what God has for you, it's going to take boldness. He's going to take you where no one in your family has gone. You're going to be a pioneer, a trendsetter. Like with my father, everyone won't understand, everyone won't approve you. You may have critics, people that try to discredit you. The ones that used to cheer you on, now they're finding fault, that's when you have to dig your heels in and say, I'm not moved by who's not for me. Jesus told the religious leaders in John chapter 5, your disapproval means nothing to me. He wasn't dependent on who liked him, who didn't support him, who used to be for him. He got his approval from his heavenly father. The parents went out and started Lakewood on Mother's Day in 1959. Instead of a beautiful new auditorium, they had this old rundown feed store, had holes in the floor, dirty and smelly and they cleaned it up and put some wood chairs in it.

One of my father's good friends came by and said, John, what in the world are you doing out here, pastoring this little church? He couldn't understand it. Some people made fun of my father, laugh, these are tests that we have to pass. Are we going to depend on people's approval to do what God's put in our heart? Are we going to let their opinions? What will they think? How will I be seen? What if they look down on me? We're going to let that determine who we become. It's dangerous to fear the people. get the support, the encouragement, it's just between you and God. That's where you have to set your face like a plant and say, "God, I'm not living to please people. I'm living to please you." People love my father back then as long as he was in their mold, as long as he stayed who he was. But when he stepped into a new level, that's when certain people didn't like it. The opposition, the critics came. When God takes you higher, don't be surprised if you don't get approval from some of your friends, some of your family. They'll tell you, you've changed. You're not who you used to be. They want to keep you in that same box. But where God has taken you, it's somewhere that you've never been. The fact is, all of your friends can't handle where you're going. All of your relatives can't handle the favor and influence. But it's tempting to let their disapproval, their negative comments, their doubt to cause you to get stuck. Man, if they don't only support me, they just change their mind. If they just before me, you don't need their approval. When they tell you, "You've changed, you're not who you used to be, tell them you're right. I'm growing. I'm stepping up to new levels. My gifts are coming out in new ways." It's not a bad thing to change, but some people can't handle it. If you're depending on them, it will keep you from moving forward. Those critics told my father that Lakewood wouldn't last, that he was making a big mistake, but here we are 64 years later are still going strong. Here's what I'm saying. God knows what he's doing. He knows where he's taking you. I think about if my father would have been addicted to approval, he'd

have never rocked a bow. He would have stayed there and let people's opinions control him. My sister Lisa wouldn't be healed. I wouldn't be up here. He would have never seen the fullness of his destiny. Sometimes we're so concerned about what people think. What would they say? Will they have a good opinion of me? We're spending all this time and energy trying to perform for people, win them over, make a good impression. Hopefully they'll validate us. We're getting our approval from the wrong place. It was never meant to come from people but from God. When you're secure in who he made you to be, you know you're valuable, talented, attractive, a masterpiece, then you don't have to have all the outside validation. We're living in a day where people can express their opinion easier than ever. Not just in person but now on social media. You have quote friends on Facebook. You have followers on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok. Some people you've never met living a thousand miles away yet they have an opinion on what you wear, what you believe, how you raise your children, what you had for dinner last night. They've never talked to you, never got to know who you are, never sat down and had lunch. Why are you worrying about what they think? Why are you trying to impress them? Giving time and energy responding to their comments, trying to explain what you meant. Some people are determined to misunderstand you. Their comment is not really about you. It shows what's in them. They have issues they haven't dealt with. They're angry, they're upset. They don't like themselves. Don't be surprised if they find fault with you. No offense but they're not going where you're going. If you try to please everyone when they're approval you'll not only miss the new levels that belong to you but you'll miss the joy, the peace, the victory of this day. The problem with living for approval is we can lose who we really are. We're so busy trying to be what everyone else wants us to be. That's when life gets confusing. You have to do like Paul and search your own heart. When your conscience is clear, when you know where God is leading you, follow that still small voice. Don't get distracted trying to get everyone on board. It's a lot of pressure to live trying to please people, convince them to be for you so you can pursue what's in your heart. After high school, I went off to college and always knew that I wanted to come back to the church and work here and start a television ministry. From the time I was a little boy like 10 years old, I loved cameras, editing and lighting. I used to run the cameras as a teenager during the services and I'd come down on the weekends

and play with all the equipment. I studied television production. and get started. And I'm all for education. My brother Paul's a surgeon. He went to college for 47 years. All my sisters have their degrees. I have friends that graduated summa cum laude. I finished that first year and thought, "Lord, have mercy." But I knew this was the time God was leading me, but I wondered what people would think. Would they look down on me? What if they think I wasn't able to finish college? What if they discount me? There was this struggle in my mind. I finally told my father and he was all for it. He said, "George, just follow what God put in your heart." My mother, not so much, she took prayer and fasting. God's plan for your life may be different than others in your family. It may be out of the ordinary, not a traditional approach. Only you can hear that voice. There'll be a temptation to stay in the box. People aren't going to approve. Just do what everyone else is doing. You have to be bold. Step in to who God has made you to be. When you do, the right doors will open. You'll discover talent and ability that you didn't know you had. Don't let the fear of people, what they're going to think, keep you from your greatness. Second Samuel chapter 6, David and his men had just recovered the ark of the covenant. That represented where God lived. It had been stolen and now some 20 years later it was being returned. The priests were carrying it into Jerusalem. There was this huge celebration, shouts of joy, trumpets blowing and crashing symbols. This was a day they had dreamed about. David was wearing a long, priestly robe and he was so excited he danced with all of his mind. Here he was this distinguished leader but he didn't hold back. He was out there celebrating the goodness of God. Well, his wife, Michelle, this was King Saul's daughter was watching from an upstairs window. She saw him dancing and leaping and at times his robe would open up and you could see his legs. The scripture says she was filled with contempt and she despised what David was doing. When David came home, she let him have it. She said, "How glorious the King of Israel look today out there dancing like a fool letting the young women see your legs." David said, "Listen, Michelle, I wasn't dancing under you. I was dancing under God. I'm willing to act like a fool to show my gratefulness for what he's done." David was saying respectfully, "What you think of me is not going to keep me from being who I am. Your disapproval is not going to stop me from fulfilling my purpose." David wasn't controlled by other people's opinions. He didn't worry about what people thought. We all have some Michelle's in our life. You're honoring God. You're being your best and they're

finding fault. They're looking down on you. Why don't you come party with us anymore? Why do you go to church every week? Why do you stay faithful in your marriage? Come on, lighten up a little bit. Now be a David. Have the attitude. I don't need your approval. I'm not making decisions based on your opinion on me. I'm going to keep God first place. I'm going to live with integrity. I'm going to take the high road. I'm going to do the right thing when it's hard. Don't let people talk you into compromising, lowering your standards. They may not approve you, but God approves you. He's one that matters. There was another leader named King Saul. He was the first king of Israel. First Samuel 15. God told him to completely destroy the Amalekites, to not spare any of them. The people, the livestock, not take any of their possessions. Saul went out and defeated the enemy, but he spared the king and he kept the best sheep and the best cattle, gathered up some of the spoils. The next morning Samuel went to Saul and said, "Why didn't you do what God told you to do?" Saul said, "What do you mean I did? I wiped them out." Samuel said, "Then why do I see those sheep? Why do I hear those cows?" Saul said, "Oh Samuel, that's nothing. We kept those animals so we can sacrifice them to the Lord." We kept a little bit of the plunder. Samuel said, "Saul, God would rather have your obedience than your sacrifices." Saul ran out of excuses. He finally got honest and told the real reason that he didn't do it. He said in verse 24, "I disobeyed because I was afraid of the people. I did what they demanded." One reason Saul lost the kingdom was he was addicted to approval. He based his decisions on other people's opinion. The scripture says in verse 10, "The Lord said to Samuel, 'I am sorry that I made Saul king.'" It's one of the saddest scriptures in the Bible. It's the only place I can find where God says, "I'm sorry I gave them my blessing. I'm sorry I showed them my favor." What did Saul do that was so bad? He didn't deny Jesus like Peter did. He didn't betray Jesus like Judas. He didn't mock him like the soldiers. What made God sorry was Saul let other people's opinions keep him from obeying.

He lived for the approval of people rather than the approval of God. Look at the difference between Saul and David. David danced with all of his might. He didn't care what other people thought. But Saul said, "I'm afraid of the people. I need their approval." David went on to become the greatest king that ever lived. Saul had the throne taken away from him. Is fear of other people's opinions holding you back? Are you sacrificing who you are because you're addicted to approval? Worried about what everyone thinks? This is your day to be free. God is doing a new thing. Where he's about to take you is gonna take boldness, courage to break out of the mold. Everyone's not gonna understand. Some people won't give you their approval. That's okay. You're not a Saul, you're a David. You're not living to please people. You're living to please God. Because you're getting your approval from him, I believe and declare. You're gonna step into new levels of favor. New doors are opening. Like David, you're gonna rise higher, accomplish dreams and reach the fullness of your destiny in Jesus' name.

And if you receive it, can you say amen? (congregation applauding) I'd like to give you an opportunity to make Jesus the Lord of your life. Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins. Come into my heart, I make you my Lord and Savior. If you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you got born again. We'd love to send you some free information on your new walk with the Lord. You can text the number on the screen or go to the website. I hope you'll get into a good Bible-based church and keep God first place.