Amistades en dificultades

The Son of God, the Lord Jesus Christ, said, I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father but through me. Therefore, go around the world teaching and preaching the gospel to every creature, to the last of the earth. En Contacto, the ministry of biblical teaching of Dr. Charles Stanley Today on En Contacto, Friendships in Difficulties. When you think about your resources, what comes to mind first? For most, the first thing they think about are things like their finances and possessions. But secondly, after your friendship with God, your friends are the most valuable resource you have in life. Because, you see, a friend is a treasure. A friend is someone who loves you. A friend is someone who loves you when you are not very loving. A friend is someone who will hold you when you fall. Someone who will accept the worst of you and will help you become the best you can be. A friend is someone with whom you share deep experiences of your life every day, if you wish. A friend is someone who, when everyone abandons him, he is still standing there by his side. And that makes friendships very, very valuable. I read something the other day that was very interesting to me, because it describes many times something that we tend to forget. Here it says, Make new friends, but keep the old ones. Some are silver, and others are gold. And when you think about friends and how long it takes us to develop pleasant friendships with God, genuine and lasting friendships take time. And therefore, if you start having friends late in life, you don't have much time to enjoy them or them either. And that's why we must take good care of our friendships. We must take care of them because the truth is that

a true genuine friend is a gift of God's mercy to us. And besides, there are times when our friendships have problems. Someone abandons us when they need us. Or you decide that you can't continue with that friendship and simply decide to move away. Or maybe you don't value that friendship enough, and therefore, as a result, the friendship disintegrates, and they follow their path, and you follow yours. And you don't necessarily decide to do it. It just happens. But it happens for some specific reasons. And I would like to talk about this in this message. I will talk about the problems that arise with our friendships, problems in our relationships, and I will talk about friendships in difficulties. Accompany me to just one verse of the Bible, for the simple reason that there are many verses to talk about. And I would like you to accompany me to chapter 16 of Proverbs, to verse 28. And see what it says. The perverse man raises a quarrel, and the gossipy one sets aside the best friends. And many times we develop friendships that don't last. We want them to last, but they don't last. And there are some very specific reasons why they don't last. Well, why damage this relationship, this companionship, this friendship? How is that damaged? Well, let's think about how it can be damaged. And we damage it in ways that we may not even realize. And the first way we damage it is this, selfishness. When I always look for something that favors me,

what can I receive? What can he or she do for me instead of what I can do for them? Look, if you want to decide if you love someone or not, ask yourself this question. I often ask you, what can you do for me? How will you fill my need? Or am I mainly interested in how to satisfy your need, make you happy, and help you in your relationship with the Lord, or with other people? So selfishness wants to damage your relationship. Add it. Number two is manipulation. Manipulation is just another word for control. And someone who tries to control the other person all the time can't forge. Look, that will damage a friendship like you can't imagine. Nobody likes to be manipulated, to be hiddenly controlled, or indirectly controlled. People can be controlled by manipulation with finances, by belittling them, or they can... Manipulate them in other ways. You can manipulate people sexually. You can deny sex to your marital partner. Manipulate them so that they do something for you, which is a cruel way of trying to govern or control the life of another. There are a lot of ways to manipulate someone. That damages a relationship. Then, of course, there are jealousy. Do you want to damage your friendship? Jealousy says, I'm going to hold on to what is mine and I don't want anything that seems to get in the way. Well, if you love someone and you have a genuine friendship, I'm not talking about marital partners now, or people who have a relationship, are going to get married and so on.

We are talking about true intimate friends, another kind of friends. And if it's the kind of person who can't stand that no one seems to be going to be a friend of his friend, that will completely destroy a relationship and a friendship. So jealousy doesn't work. They are very harmful. Then there is criticism. Do you want to destroy a friendship? Turn on your antennas to look for everything that may displease the other person. How they dress, how they look, how they talk. Look for ways in which they are not up to your expectations. They don't do what you want them to do. They always arrive late or early. Or it costs a lot, it costs very little. They want this and the other. That is to say, you know what? Do you want to destroy a friendship? Just go into that critical mode. And this doesn't work, and I'm not happy, and you criticize them for this. You know what happens after a while? They move away. Do you know why? Because they don't tolerate it. Your friend will leave. And if your friend is critical with you, after a while you think, God, I can't, I don't need it, and I can't handle this anymore. A critical spirit is absolutely unnecessary. If we were perfect, it's fine. Is there a time to be critical? Listen carefully. There are times when we can be critical, but that criticism must be a motivated criticism, listen, motivated by a genuine love to help. Then there's greed, right?

Greed and jealousy are very different. Jealousy says, I'm going to hold on tight to what I have. I won't let anyone get involved in this relationship. Greed says, I want what you have. How do you develop a friendship with someone who wants what you have? Well, maybe they say, well, you know, yes, we're friends. But they want. That is, it may be that you have more material goods than them, your house is bigger, your car is much better, or you dress better, or you have a better job. Now this friendship continues, and all the time, deep down, it's not just that they want what's theirs. The next thing is that there is jealousy and greed, all that mixed together. Then there's just absolute and pure dishonesty. You can't trust them. You can't have a relationship with someone you don't trust. It doesn't work. You have to trust them. People make mistakes. If they're willing to face it, yes, you're right, I lied to you, I was weak at the time, or I was afraid, or whatever, at least try it. Admit it, confess it, regret it, say, please forgive me. You know, help me understand, you know. Or it may be that he didn't mean to say anything, but he did. But if it's intentional, it's dishonesty. It destroys the relationship. So let's say he's damaged the relationship that he really and certainly values. Now how does he repair it? How does he heal it?

How does he get it back? How does he put the pieces together again? How is there health and repair and rescue this obstructed, broken, damaged relationship that he really values? How can he get it back? Let's think about them. How does he handle it? The first thing he does is this. He approaches it. He says to his friend, there's something in our relationship that's not right. Maybe something I did, maybe something I misinterpreted, but I think there's a problem and I'd like to face it and solve it. I'm willing to do this. The second thing is to determine what happened. What happened in this relationship? What was said? What was believed? What was understood or not understood? What did I do? Or what did he or she do? That is, determine what it is, where and when. What made me fail when I was doing so well? The third thing to do is this. Apologize. He says, suppose it's not my fault. That's not the point. Because, listen, if friendship is worth saving, it's worth taking responsibility, any responsibility you may have. Maybe he says, it was the other person's fault.

I'll ask you a question. If you truly love someone, does it make a difference who is to blame? Not really. If you want to fix it, take responsibility. Very important, you say, you know what? I want to apologize because I probably did something that caused this. Good. If it's something the other person did and it wasn't your fault, you're still winning. What are you doing? Take responsibility because what you're saying is, this relationship and this friendship are very important to me. You know what? I'm willing to take the blame. I'm willing to take the beating. And I'm willing to take the discipline. Because this relationship, you know what that is? It's called unconditional love. That's what it's called. Are you willing to accept it no matter if I deserve it or not? That's not the point. And you say to that person, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Y lo siguiente que hace que recuerda es, se niega a culpar y se niega a defenderse. Alguien dice, hiciste esto. Yo no hice nada parecido. ¿Cuál es la meta? La meta es tener razón o conquistar al otro. Es tener razón o salvar la relación.

Si no me importa nada la relación, yo digo, ¿sabes qué? Simplemente no ves lo que haces. Eso es lo que hiciste. Solo proyectas en mí lo que piensas. Eso no es cierto. ¿Y saben qué? Esto es lo que causa, este es el comienzo, de los compañerismos, relaciones, amistades y matrimonios que se echan a perder. Ah, no, es mi culpa, es tu culpa, y sigue, y sigue, ¿y qué pasa? En poco tiempo han dañado tanto su relación que alguien decide irse. Lo que debe estar dispuesto a decir es, ¿sabes qué? Cualquiera que sea mi parte, quiero disculparme. Y así se niega a defenderse. Y luego esto es lo que hará. Hablamos de salvar una amistad, una relación. Usted dice, ¿qué puedo hacer para reparar esto? ¿Qué puedo hacer? Dime algo que pueda hacer para ayudar en esta relación, lo que se requiera. Estoy dispuesto. Entonces, pide una sugerencia de cómo se puede reparar. ¿Qué necesito hacer? Y luego lo siguiente por hacer es un compromiso. Dice, me comprometo a reconstruir este compañerismo, esta relación, esta amistad. Estoy comprometido, cueste lo que cueste, yo estoy dispuesto. La otra persona podría decir, estoy agotado. No me importa esta relación para nada, me voy. No puede hacer que lo ame a alguien que no lo ama. No puede hacer que alguien sea su amigo si no quiere serlo. No puede hacer que alguien tenga el tipo de relación que usted desea,

a menos que el otro lo elija. Lo que pasa es que asume esa responsabilidad. Dice, me comprometo contigo. Quiero ser tu amigo, amo nuestra amistad, amo nuestra relación. Me ayuda mucho, es muy significativa. Creo que estoy más cerca de Dios por ella. A veces me das la sabiduría que necesito, cueste lo que cueste. Tiene que resolver esto. Esta amistad, ¿vale lo que me va a costar repararla? Si no es así, solo son palabras vacías. Si es así, pagará el precio. Bien, una vez que llegó hasta aquí, quisiera darle cuatro preguntas que será bueno que se formule. Si en verdad quiere salvar esta amistad, hay cuatro preguntas que me gustaría sugerirle que haga. La primera es esta. Y esto es muy, muy, muy importante. Le pregunto si me escucha. Diga amén. Muy bien, aquí está la primera pregunta. Estoy proyectando en mi amigo algo que pasó en mi pasado. Digamos que en algún lugar de su pasado fue profunda y duramente herido. Y quizá fue una mujer en su vida o quizá una amistad o relación, alguien a quien amaba profunda y rotundamente. Y lo traicionaron. Le fueron desleales. Fueron deshonestos con usted. Y se alejó y pensaba que esa persona era uno de los amigos más queridos que tenía.

¿Qué hace una persona natural y normalmente? Comienza a establecer sus defensas. Y erigen sus defensas para que eso no suceda otra vez. Y por lo tanto, si alguien viene y usted comienza a acercarse a esa persona y comienza a entenderla y casi de inmediato critica algo en la vida de la otra persona. Y es muy real para usted. Es muy real. Y no se da cuenta de que hace esto. Por las heridas del pasado, usted toma sus experiencias emocionales pasadas y las proyecta en la otra persona, sin siquiera darse cuenta de que usted los está culpando por algo que alguien más le hizo años y años y años atrás. Cuando proyecta en un amigo algo de su pasado, algo profundo en su interior. has been hurt can be one of many things and what happens is that it will destroy that friendship if you want to recover that friendship you must leave behind the past second question that must be asked is this I am too afraid to have a close relationship with someone, that is, the problem in my friendship is that that person is approaching and I feel uncomfortable with this, that is, I must have a lot of space, give me space, well, one thing is to suffocate someone and be possessive with them, you will not want to suffocate them, but it is true that when that person begins to approach you, something inside does not even know what it is, something inside just gets up and you close and say I can't handle it, I can't handle it, I just can't, what happens is that it has this defense mechanism because he is afraid of having an intimate relationship with someone else because they hurt him and he said that he would never hurt him again no matter what happened I will tell him a word and it is something that has been said perhaps for a thousand years but it is true it is much better to have loved and lost it than never to have loved it is better to have a great friend and lose it than never to have had a friendship if it is one of those people who is so determined not to be hurt in life they expect many disappointments because one will be hurt and another and another and again and the difference between you and someone who has a good friend is that he has someone to share that pain with and you keep it, you reserve it

all, you have no one to talk to, so you must ask yourself the question my problem in my friendship is the fact that I am very afraid, very afraid to have a close intimate relationship, well the same is true for men and women, so sometimes women have perhaps more close relationships than men and somehow you know men I just don't want to say much they are this strong male you know that none of that is biblical it is not true there is none of that except that it will damage their relationships then another question must be asked I have unrealistic expectations of this relationship I am waiting for more than this person can give listen there are people who have a lot to give they know how to love and they know how to express it they know how to be happy and at peace and happy in life they know how to give of themselves and some people not only do not give themselves but they do not know how to do it they do not even know how to love it because they do not have it inside they do not have the ability to love so this question must be asked I expect more than they can give and if I expect more than what they can give then they will have a problem in the relationship and if you understand that and still strengthen that relationship it only means this you will have to give more you will have to do more you will probably have to forgive more because you are not there yet but if you value that relationship you will do what is necessary to save it last question there are many questions but the last one that I will mention is only this are these feelings of rejection in me in my friendship because he or she rejects me or is it because I have a poor sense of self-esteem or little confidence in me no no no I do not really believe that I deserve acceptance and I do not deserve that kind of friendship and I do not deserve that kind of love I do not deserve this type of relationship I do not deserve this type of intimacy and what you do is feel rejected not because you have rejected it you just do not feel worthy that someone pours love on you and loves you with an abundance of love because that is your way they know how to love but you do not one last thing I will say is this and it is very simple but it is powerful make sure to understand what I say the last point is simply this ask God to show you how to listen to him show him how to help his friend to become a devout person if he asks God to help his friend to be a devout person God will act in his life in the most amazing way to help him strengthen heal recover and rescue what will most likely be a wonderful intimate and loving relationship that will make him happy not to have I don't know where he is in his friendships, but I tell him this. What he has heard in this message can make all the difference in the world. If he values ​​friendships, and if he is willing to forgive himself, and is willing to give everything he has,

he will forge lasting friendships and relationships. Not only those of silver, but those of gold. That is, those that he will treasure until the day of his death. For more information, visit www.FEMA.gov