Amanda Lynn From Selling Sunset: “I Gave Up on My Dad… But God Never Did.” | God Behind Bars Podcast

of abandonment. Yeah. I am the one protecting that little girl. When I was 23 years old, I got a call one day that my father had been shot and killed by his own father. My story with my dad is really one of faith, nothing else could save him, but God did. It's traumatizing because you're serving that sentence with them. But survival mode is not how you live. Survival mode is not how you have peace. I had to unlearn everything that I learned that got me into business. I feel a weight of my chest. I don't feel abandonment wounds anymore. I feel free. Hey, I'm Jake Bodine. Welcome back to the God Behind Bars podcast. We're excited with another season of just amazing guests that we have the honor of interviewing that God has taken them on a unique journey, whether they've been incarcerated themselves or have had family members incarcerated to see what God has brought them through and then what they're doing now. We just really pray that this is a hope and encouragement to you, that your story's not over, that no matter what you're journeying through right now, that God can still use you, that there's still big plans for your life. We have another guest with us today. Her name is Amanda Lynn, she is an individual that has experienced everything but the easy road on her way to success, but God has gotten her through that and she has become a very successful real estate agent in Southern California and through that, be given a platform on selling Sunset, which is a Netflix show that really shows the behind the scenes of what luxury real estate in the sales of those properties looks like and so Amanda, we're excited to have you and hear your story and what God has done in your life over the years. So welcome.

Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here. Yeah. Why don't you just go back to your childhood. I know that you as a child, both your parents had struggled with addiction and experienced incarceration. Why don't you just tell us a little bit about that. So I'm 36 now, since I was five, I've dealt with my parents, both of them at different times, being in and out of prison. My mom, still now, she got out about a year and a half ago. When I was a child, it was very confusing. It was more so my father that had the struggles, both of my parents battled addiction and it's challenging, especially when you're a child. If you're able to go visit your parents in a prison, that's always a different experience because it's confusing. It's really amazing to be here today and be able to sit here in front of this barbed wire and not have triggers or feel the anxiety that you would go through as a child when you do those things. But when I was 14, my dad served a five-year sentence at a prison and he was a convicted felon already because of addiction. He got in trouble stealing DVDs and things from a Walmart, so he went to jail for that. When you're a felon, you're not able to be around guns. My dad, he also had a troubled relationship with his dad growing up that he always wanted to fix. When I was 14, he went to his dad's house and his dad started shooting guns in the backyard and the cops got called because of the noise and that's what sent my dad to prison for five years. I didn't know that at the time because when you're a child, I didn't have the best relationship with my father. He was in and out.

He didn't live in the house with me growing up. I was mostly raised by my stepdad, who my mom met when I was five. When he did that five-year sentence, I had kind of given up on him and he was writing me letters and he was calling me and I kind of put it in a box that I'm not dealing with this right now. You've never been here for me, so I'm going to deal with it when you change. That was how I was feeling. When you're a child, you feel sometimes like they're choosing something else over you or you feel like why was I robbed of my parents, something that other people just have naturally. But it took the five-year term that he did to change his life around. He found God while he was in prison and I know that and I'm so proud because when he got out, I was 19 and I'll tell you the story of how I actually reconnected with my father in those five years I wasn't talking to him. He'd mail me letters. I wouldn't even open them, but I would keep them. I had been giving them all my life. I didn't want to read them anymore. I was 18 and I'm starting my own life. I wanted to kind of not deal with that. I was suppressing it at the time. So I worked in a bar. him about my dad and he goes well can I read the letter and can I write him for you? And I was like wow you know it was so caught off guard by that but it was so genuine and kind the reason that he said that and I was like sure so he wrote my dad a letter and that's what reopened the relationship with me and my father and then when he got out I reconnected with him I was 19 he was doing amazing when when God really when the Holy Spirit touches someone you don't have to tell how much you've changed they can see the change in you in your eyes in in your life he got the job back he always wanted he that I didn't even know while he's in prison he's praying to God to reconnect him with his children I have two younger half sisters my youngest sister Jennifer didn't even she doesn't remember even meeting him because they live in Maine so it's like to be torn apart at that young

age is really hard but I'm thankful that I was the oldest because I could see the change in him and that was a big lesson for me because I had given up on my dad a little bit or you know but God never did and to see that change in him was life-changing for me and then when I was 20 I moved from Florida which I'm originally from I moved to the west coast to start a new life with Trevor and when I was 23 years old I got a call one day that my father had been shot and killed and it was a shock and come to find out later my father was shot and killed by his own father the man that also had sent him to prison shooting the guns which my dad wasn't shooting them but you know my dad wanted to repair that relationship with his father he was that little kid trying to fix that relationship but it never really worked out in that way and that was a shock I only met my grandfather one time in my life which was the last day I ever spent with my dad when I was 22 I went to Florida and I promised my dad that I would spend a full day with him and I would go see my great-grandma then I would go see my grandma and then we would go see his dad my grandpa that day I was very anxious I was crying in the bathroom I was overwhelmed with emotions the last day I spent with him and I wasn't really sure why I think we hold so much in especially as a child even when you're in your 20s and your 30s you have to have a way to release that you know whether you work out no matter what therapy all those things can really help you because I did them all but God was like the last I always believed in God but he was the last the missing piece of the puzzle that put everything into perspective for me and my dad's father my grandfather never got in trouble for the crime that he committed my great-grandma had she was the only one in our family with a little bit of money and she had lost her grandson she didn't want to lose her son so she was trying to help him he later died of cancer but as tragic as that is my story with my dad is really one of faith it's one of I know how talented he was before drugs and trouble got in his life and nothing else could save him but God did yeah he would tell me when he got out of prison he had an eight pack he was glowing he got his job back and he was saying when I was in prison I would read the bible and I would pray to God please take the desire for the addiction away yeah because even while he was in prison he was still struggling with the desire yeah and then he told me one day he woke up and it was gone and he knew that it was God and that was the one story that he would just say on repeat all the time and I was 23 when he passed I'm 36 now so I've had 13 years of more processing this and what he left me with is really the greatest gift ever because when you're a child and your parents one or both or anyone very close to you is in prison it's an

abandoning feeling it's it's traumatizing because you're serving that sentence with them they're there and they're doing the hard work for themselves but you're on that journey too especially if it's your parents yeah because you can't call them ever if you do something for yourself and you miss a phone call you beat yourself up over it because you can't call back when they do call if something happens in the background someone fights it cuts off their time and you have to wait again so there's so many challenges that you go through and it leaves you with a lot of shame you feel like with, it's like, I know why me now. It I don't look I'm not ashamed. I haven't been ashamed for I would say probably three or four years to share it. I've never only my close friends know that this has happened to me I've never shared it really. And I think that has to do a lot with when you are a child like that, you grow up in survival mode. And survival mode saves you from a lot of things. But survival mode is not how you live. Yeah, survival mode is not how you have peace. So you really I had to unlearn everything that I learned that got me into business that help make me successful that helped put me on the right track. And then I had to unlearn. Yeah, like that's stuff that got me there because survival is not peace. So it's like all because of my dad and his faith in his testimony, even before he passed. That is the greatest gift ever because that healed my abandonment wounds from both of my parents knowing I have a heavenly father that's always been there that takes the shame for me. I don't feel the shame anymore. And that is the most freeing thing. So I mean, anybody that goes through the situation, if you had someone incarcerated, whether they are indefinitely, or you went through that experience to not have the shame, or like feel like something was done to us is so freeing. And I feel like that's why I want to share this now. Because I know that it can help people. We all judge. I

know if I walked down the street, people wouldn't probably not look at me and think because I've who I've become, that I was abandoned by both my parents, my parents were drug addicts, like in prison, my mom still my whole life, still now. Yeah, you know, my mom and some of the best conversations I've ever had with my mom and dad are while they are in prison. Because the clarity, the sobriety, not that people can't do things in prison, they can't. But that stuff is impactful. Those are the things that stay with me. And that's like my testimony of why I'm wanting to speak about it. I love that. Well, one of one of the listeners probably right now, actually, we have many listeners that are family members of those that are incarcerated, especially daughters, sons, that are probably in the middle of experiencing that type of shame, the the feeling of abandonment, all the things that you described, what would you say to them? I would say I know that pain. And I would say you're not alone, because so many people more than we ever could imagine deal with these things. Addiction affects so many people. And bad things can happen to good people too. People can get caught up with the wrong people. You're you have a heavenly father who is there for you. So no matter how alone you are, even in your lowest times, God comes to you. God comes to you in your mess. When I've been on the floor crying, when I have had my own addictions, you know, even though it's just so many things in life, I feel like I've walked through with experience now. And I'm I'm lucky that I've seen the bad things that can happen. That's from such a young age, because it will scare you straight. And for me, it did. But I want people to know that you're not alone. And you have someone to rely on and don't be scared. Seek God. Seek that relationship because I went to church as a child. But I didn't

really have the relationship with God where I really loved him and like care about how I speak to him how much time I spend with him. Like when you really love someone and you rely on them, you know, I didn't have people to rely on as a child that I was aware of. Now, you know, as you grow, you have so many issues in life, things life is hard for everyone. You know, it just is I I feel a weight off my chest. I don't feel abandonment wounds anymore. Like I feel free. And I'm 36 and I've been feeling this my whole life. So I I want people to attempt that because I did therapy. I worked out. I'm very disciplined. I've achieved success. I've achieved I've become who I want to be. But that doesn't fill the hole. You think success is going to make it better. If I could just get away and build a new life, it'll be fine. But you you are that life. I am still the 36 year old Amanda doing this is still the five year old Amanda crying of a abandonment. Yeah, I am the one protecting that little girl. And because of God's grace, truly has been the catalyst for everything. I was I've tried to do everything on my own and you just cannot do it. Yeah, you need someone else to rely on to know you're not abandoned. And I never thought anything would ever heal those wounds. Because how could another person become We view God is that he is going to be this magic genie that makes all your problems go away But actually you're going to experience problems throughout life But the best part about God is when you say yes to him when you're in relationship with him Now you have someone to go through it with and that's what I hear through your story And I love is like hey that he was my rock. He was the person that journeyed through every season every pit He was in the pit with me and that's the importance of having a relationship with God is Ultimately healing that abandonment like I'm not abandoned Yeah, I have someone that links arms with me in every season of life and so I Guess I was a father of five myself and four of them being daughters

Like what would you say? To a dad that still has a hope in the future right now that might be listening to this podcast Might be sitting in a cell might be getting ready to get released back into society. Yeah, like from a daughter's perspective What would you say to that man? I would absolutely say never give up He to the parent or whoever the person is that's in prison. If you have children or anybody They might have felt abandoned too because when they get locked up sometimes we're so hurt that we're upset with them we're not in their shoes and they're not in ours, but we can forgive and I want them to know to Just really not give up also to talk to God because the reason that I reconnected with my dad and was able to see How much he changed is because when he was in prison when I wasn't speaking to him for five years He was praying to God to get me back get his children back in his life and God Found my boyfriend a stranger to my dad a random person that I'd only knew for four months before we started dating You know our drive away from where I grew up that person wrote my dad before I did Yeah, a stranger wrote my dad in prison before I did. Wow. That is the work of God. Yeah, there is nothing else could have done that and Sometimes, you know, no matter what age you're at some lessons take decades to learn I was five years old when my parents started getting into prison. I'm 36 Yeah, and I maybe in the last three years I've really grasped all of this and even this year where it really has clicked for me where I don't feel abandoned You know, I walk through my whole life with those things But God if your child's not speaking to you if you have fractured relationship talk to God God wants you to give it to him We cannot do it on our own and could you imagine if we had to how miserable that would be? Yeah, it's lonely and we all feel that way sometimes But the prayers work and you don't need to tell your kids. I've changed look at what I'm going through Sometimes you need to stop that that's your battle and you can share that with them But when you call your kids if you're in prison don't call and tell them all the horrible things that are happening Like have good news and bad news you can be honest But when the first thing you call and you talk about is you know The bad things that are going on in there. We want a relationship with you We want to support you, but if you call with that up front

Yeah, and you don't try to change your life around on the inside We're gonna feel that yeah, even if the kids not close with God my dad was saved before I was yeah I just got saved. I would say really really this year. Yeah, so my dad was saved behind bars the parts of the Bible are written behind bars the prisoner's story is not over and Your relationship with your kids is not over since my dad passed I'm I'm closer to my dad since he passed than I ever was when he was alive Wow, and my younger sisters They don't have the same experience I do because they didn't get to that reconnection to see it. Yeah, I did Yeah, so I'm blessed and I feel like those moments will come You have to never lose faith and not lose hope and turn to God as the prisoner turn to God say please protect my daughter Protect God can send a stranger out there to protect your kids. Yeah, that's what he does Yeah, so that is like how we have there's so much power in that we have all the power in that We're not powerless. No matter where we are with God Well, I think it's important to hone in on that you you said protection and then one of the other things that I heard you say was that the phone calls that The burden that you're putting on your children when you when you make a phone call sometimes as dads We can still protect them even in that is hey, it's not about me. It's about them like yeah, sure I'm carrying something I'm burdened but so are they and remembering that so as a dad right now even While you're incarcerated just the little things that you can do to still protect your children from the battles that you're facing? having and then focusing on the good the hope right that hey we do have a hope in the future how are you doing checking in on you making sure that you're good versus making everything about me that's even something that I've had to learn we're selfish beings you know as humans we're selfish beings we think our self first others later and God teaches us hey no it's others first myself later right so from that standpoint like when you look at your story overall like I hear a lot of redemption like what do you feel like God has redeemed in you in your family the most like what sticks out to you the most in my family I am like the black sheep I'm the cycle breaker of the family I'm the one because it was

my mother and my father that and my my uncles you know it was a whole family dynamic that's been continuing generation after generation and then there's you have the other people in the family that might not be battling addiction but they're enabling the behavior and I made a vow even as a child that that was never gonna be me and when you're the the black sheep the one who calls out what's going on you're the outcast then because now you're pointing out the invisible thing in the room that everyone else has been acting like is okay yeah I made a choice not to do that so for me the the the ultimate joy of my life is to truly not continue that cycle no matter how hard it's been and that is you know recognizing unhealthy relationships faster picking your friends wiser like really trusting your intuition and having God to go to because he will give you direct answers you know in my family I am the cycle breaker I'm the black sheep I'm the one that chose a different way yeah it is a choice and everybody has patterns and you cannot choose where you came from if anyone knows that trust me I know yeah but that's nothing to be ashamed of because we have a choice who you hang out with you can end up like you have to make a different choice it's not gonna be easy but it's doable as long as you you know as long as you keep your head on the right track but with God is the missing piece you can do all the things if you don't have God Jesus that relationship there's only so much you can do it it's gonna be I've tried it yeah I've succeeded in business I've helped myself heal in therapy but nothing does what God does yeah nothing not for me not for my father and in families like mine that it's passed down the line so to me I look at it is like now I'm the one how many generations was it until they got me yeah the one that's making the change the one that's not ashamed the one that can say it out loud even if my mother or whoever might be upset about it yeah sometimes because of my dad being in prison that changed him some but sometimes they need a wake up call if they won't admit to the things they did to you you you don't have to say it in a bad way but you can still be truthful it's your experience yeah so owning your truth makes a big impact impact on your family yeah I've changed

I've influenced my sisters you know yeah one person affects so many people one person's energy can affect the whole room yeah so if you don't have anyone to look up to in your family whatever you can find someone online you can watch sermons you can find someone not to idolize but someone that you like things about them let that be a mentor to you you know people can write me I'm you know I'm not a mentor but I have knowledge to share like I'm a good listener yeah sometimes just listening just listening to people it's not telling them what to do just being there yeah you know if you want to guide them anywhere guide them to God yeah because he is going to give them the answers greater than what any of us could do but you have to seek the relationship I don't in my family I was Christian we went to church but I didn't feel them bringing the Holy Spirit in the house yeah because it was numbed and it was enabled all the bad yeah we speak to that what do you mean by that like well so my grandparents they had five kids in the house all of them except one have had drug at drug issues their whole entire life my aunt Karen is the only one who hasn't and I witnessed as a child my grandparents they are enablers they would not make they would scream they're reactive you know they never learned how to work through their own things and my grandma I when I was born she was in her 60s she's not with this anymore, but she was an I never experienced that version of my grandma, but that's what all those kids grew up with. And she was abusive. She would drink alcohol the time. I never saw that version of her, but that version raised my mother, my uncles. And I think when they knew that they've done some wrong, even though they change, they start to feel a little bit of guilt. So then they start allowing behavior. They were enablers.

They wouldn't, they'd let them fight each other. She would let them steal money from them, you know, from out of her purse. There was no boundaries ever put. No one ever taught me a boundary. Because they had none. They had none. And that's a recipe for disaster, especially for a little girl. Because girls are, tried to be taken advantage of, left and right. Especially if they know you don't have parents that are supporting you, you are a target. And I've been a target. And I've learned from those things, but it's really just about like, if making the difference, if you know something's not right, you don't have to go along with that. You don't have to come out and react and create a whole mess. You can distance yourself. You have to learn your own boundaries. And if you grow up in families with addiction, prison, any of those things, they're not instilling that in you. So you have to figure that out on your own. And if you never figure it out, and you know, you're dealing with those issues forever. So no enabling, you know?

That's why to me, it's such a big thing. - Yeah, no absolutely. Today, like your experience is the things that you've experienced as a child, with both your parents having dealt with incarceration. Today we have the opportunity to be a part of a family reunification event here. And for our listeners who have never probably experienced prison, or have a very, I guess, arms length view of prison. Like what is today gonna mean when 130 sons show up to this prison. Many of them who have not seen their father in a long time. Some of them who've never met their father. In fact, today we have a 55 year old man that is gonna be here meeting his dad for the very first time. And what are moments like this going to mean to those kids? - Those moments are gonna mean everything. No matter what age they're at, I mean 55, ooh. But look at God. Those are battles, that's a struggle. He's battling for 55 years. And now today he gets a chance to face it and see explore that relationship. It can be overwhelming, but it's beautiful. Because say they're very young, when you're very young, it can be very confusing.

The barbed wire, the entrance. Sometimes you can't touch them. Here they're gonna be able to, which is really magical. It can be confusing for a very, very young child. It can be like sensory overload is how I would kind of describe it. Because if you haven't met them, it's kind of a stranger. It's uncomfortable. But you'll remember it forever. So even if you're a five year old, if you're a young child and you're confused and you have that experience, you will replay that experience for the rest of your life. So as you get older, you will analyze it. And as you will change, the version of your experience will change and you'll start to see something different than you didn't see before. So that's something that I learned as the time went by. Also, it's just beautiful. Beautiful for the parents. Because I know when they get good behavior in prison and they're looking forward to something, they're looking forward to that. They're waiting for that. They're counting down the days, the hours. It's like everything to them. Sometimes the kids don't realize that. Sometimes you don't realize how really excited they are. How it's such a big deal.

Like such a big deal for them. Maybe they're not the best communicators sometimes. You know? Like we're all products of our environment. So you know, sometimes sympathy for your parents too. Like of why they are the way they are. But then just enjoy the experience. You know, just take, show up, take it for what it is. The good and the bad, but cherish the time together. You know what I mean? Like just really be present, be there, present. Because you're going to have that memory forever. And that memory, say you have a negative one. That memory can evolve over time as you evolve. Because you might start to understand things more, relate to other things more. And then you might be like, wow. Or talk to your dad again later. And he says, oh, I was so nervous. I threw up before you got there. These are things that happen. They're nerves. I've seen it. Exactly. You might think they don't care. But you don't know. You have to go deep to figure that out, deep with yourself. They have to go deep with themselves. But it sticks with you forever. So, you know, it's incredible, but the moment is

That's awesome. Well last question for you is the listener that it's sitting on the fence Yes, that may not have a relationship with Jesus or That has battled with the idea of like hey, can God really change me? Can God is God as big and powerful as you and I and others have said what would you say to the person that? has a question about this whole idea of Jesus and The the change that he can bring to somebody even in their darkest hour Well, I would have everyone ask themself. Yeah, do you feel fulfilled? Do you are you missing anything in your life or is your life perfect? Yeah, none of our lives are perfect You can have money. You can have relationship The relationship with God is the rock. It's the cornerstone of our life, you know, like The point of life is to really Go through all the challenges. It's an experience Hopefully stay close to God and Jesus and be saved to be better to learn from the scripture to learn from When you're affected with the Holy Spirit, it really changes you and I want they have nothing to lose Nobody's life is perfect. So why not seek God? Have you tried? have you really tried and Are you distracted if if you've tried to seek God and he and you're not getting something back? If you're truly trying to seek it, what are you doing to silence him out? You know, it's sometimes we have to sit with ourselves. So isolation Prisoners can go through a lot and they can change because they're isolated isolation is very very powerful isolation teaches you so much so people if they're distracted or Maybe they do drugs or maybe they drink or maybe they're working 24/7. They never sit still all of those things are distractions Sit still sit still and seek God and see if you get nothing out of it, okay? That's on you you'll get something if you don't then ask if you're not getting something ask yourself Am I what am I doing to not get something because God is always there? He's waiting on us. We're not waiting on him. We delay it, you know, so I would just say like Try. Yeah, what do you have to lose and what is what are you resisting if you're not trying? Oh, absolutely And up for the dads that are listening to this right now, especially those that are incarcerated from one father to another like Your decision for life change can happen today, and it's simple

It's literally Acknowledging that Jesus is Lord. It's believing wholeheartedly in your heart that he died on the cross rose again three days later asking him to become the Lord of your life and maybe praying to release the desires of addiction or praying to be a better man be a better father whatever it is that you have in the desire of your heart like I Promise you the greatest gift that ever could be given to you is a relationship with Jesus And it will change the entire trajectory of your life, but most importantly it's gonna change the entire trajectory of these kids lives I know many of you and I've met many of you that have had children and your biggest burden is them and what's happening to them and are they safe like It all starts with you your legacy starts with you and it starts with a relationship with Jesus And it is simple and I promise you from the first time that you say yes to him It might not be an overnight change, but it is the start of change which ultimately little repetition after little repetition Turns into a giant legacy for you for your children And so I don't just encourage you today like I want to almost beg you today to start that relationship with him Because it's not just for you But for those that come after you and together we can change generations together We can change the world, but it starts with your and I's yes, and so Amanda. Thank you so much. Thank you for being here Thank you for sharing your story. It's an honor to be a part of you really sharing this for the first time with a lot of people And so thank you. I just appreciate how vulnerable you are I love what God has done in and through you And I'll be praying for your family and I pray that this touches the lives of many people. So thank you me too. Thank you