A Difficult Relationship: End It or Mend It? | Joe Dobbins | Twin Rivers Church

It is the most wonderful time of year and every song, every scene seems to just take you back. Even hearing about Christmas parties just made me walk down memory lane this week. I remember when I was in elementary school going to my third grade Christmas party. It was for our class and I remember it because it was filled with tension instead of joy because that is when I discovered my elementary arch enemy, Todd Kirby. Did you have an elementary kind of a foe, you know, just some kid that you never got along with? Todd and I were in the same class almost every year and we always were striving to outdo each other. We had different favorite sports teams. We always fought for the same seat, same girl, and especially who got to be Batman at recess. And we just didn't like each other. We didn't like each other so much that our parents were called in almost every year to talk with teachers about how can we get these boys to stop going at each other. When we were middle school, Todd and I were both on the football team and one day in a kind of an unguarded moment, he cracked a joke and I laughed. And almost like in cinematic station, I just, we looked at each other like, could we be more than enemies? Todd and I became very close friends over the next few years. We actually, the funny thing is we became college roommates. We went to college together, dear friends today, but this is the best part. Our parents spent so much time together at those parent teacher conferences, they became good friends and they still go to meals together all the time. Now, this whole story reminds me of this, that sometimes the relationships we think are the worst can actually turn out to the best. And sometimes a relationship you think has no future, God says, I'm not finished yet. I want to talk to you about that today because I think this time of year has a way of pulling us into relational moments where the dysfunctions in our lives are forefront. You're going to have to go to a party potentially with somebody you don't like. You're going to have to be around some family that there's something, some tension with, or you may be at the coming to the end of the year and you're trying to figure out, do I want to stay in this job, in this, this dating relationship? There's many times of this season where we're trying to figure out, is this something that should end or should continue? Is this something that I want to pour more of my life into, or am I ready to throw up my hands and give up? And I think it's especially useful for us to look at a passage of scripture that strangely enough speaks to this very issue, but actually is one of the most famous when it comes to the Christmas story. Matthew chapter one, starting with verse 18 says, this is how the birth of Jesus, the Messiah came about. His mother, Mary

was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant by the Holy Spirit because Joseph, her husband was faithful to the law and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace. He had in mind to divorce her quietly, but after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son and you are to give him the name Jesus because he will save his people from their sins. The birth story of Jesus Christ brings a whole new set of people forward in scripture as we transition out of the old Testament into the new Testament. And some of these people, um, hang with us almost through the entirety of the gospel and into the book of Acts. And then some of them, it's almost like they appear and then they fade quickly. And Joseph, his earthly father is one of those people. Joseph, we truly don't know a lot about him. We know the Bible says that he was a carpenter or a Mason. We know that, um, he was a righteous man, scripture calls him. And we know that he loved Mary and that he was excited about this engagement they had. Um, now, uh, in Hebrew culture, an engagement or the idea that they were pledged to one another is kind of this idea that, that there are two stages of their engagement. Stage one was about preparation. Stage two was the celebration or the seven day wedding in stage one. What would have happened is, is for about 12 months, Joseph and Mary would not have been near each other much. They would have only been together in social settings. Um, and in fact, they were both going through some very specific steps. She was proving her fidelity and he would have been preparing a place, actually building out an apartment style off of one of his family's homes to build a place for this, this new relationship and a future family. And it's in this time that their dowry would have been paid so that they could pay for the wedding. And, and all this is happening, and under very limited exposure to one another. It's also in stage one during this period that the angel comes. Mary and says that she has been chosen to carry the Savior Jesus and that she was to conceive through the Holy Spirit this This child and so it's in stage one this happens because we know prophetically There is a virgin birth and when there would need to be no question that Joseph was not the biological father But it's also because this happens in stage one and because their contact is limited that it is likely That Joseph was one of the last people to learn about Mary's pregnancy That in fact it would have kind of spread through the little village that she was pregnant before stage two took place

Word would have received him there to him and he would have probably It had taken him to his knees Because you have to think for 12 months He's done nothing But build a home that he thinks will hold the future that he and Mary are building together and then all of a sudden he Finds out that she is with child and he knows it's not his and so immediately in this kind of Tragedy in his heart. He's faced with this kind of question. Should I end it or should I mend it? and I bring that up because that is the exact same choice. Many of us are trying to figure out this season Some of you are trying to figure out it. I want to stay with this job Don't I not want to stay with this job for some of you're trying to figure out how you're you want to? Continue on in this relationship. You don't how am I gonna react to the to the in-laws? How am I gonna react to the person who at work? I just I continually to have struggles with we tend to all have these unresolved relational issues That we tend to hold them and then this time of year just seems to bring them forward and we feel stuck Because on some days we do want to do something with them and on other days We're ready to kind of throw up our hands and be done with them And we're trying to discern what to do as the turn of a new year comes but also as this this season that tends to bring us all together and we feel kind of that same pool of what should we Do with this relationship? Well, I want to encourage you that if you're in that right now where you're tired of feeling the way you felt and you're also Tired of trying to navigate a difficult relationship Let me just say this message actually comes from a journal entry that I wrote nearly ten years ago I was looking through and and I saw this passage and God spoke this this insight in my heart And I bring that up for this reason years ago. God was already thinking about you He was already thinking about what you were dealing with. He was already thinking about the how you feel in this season He was already considering how he was going to add help. It is not his will that you stay in frustration It's not his will that you you stay hurt It's not his will that you don't know what to do that years ago God had already decided how he was going to help you navigate through this season peace is possible

You can navigate this relationship and I really believe at the end of the day He's gonna help you figure out should you end it or should you mend it now if Joseph were here really his story gives us The the advice we need and and so based on the relationship you have and looking at the one he had I'm gonna give you three pieces of advice I think Joseph would give you and when you're trying to decide what to do with a difficult relationship Here is the first one. He would say don't cut God's process short Um, it was George Burns who said that there's nothing better than a close-knit family spread across several states You know and and kind of in the humor of that Here's the truth. The problem with people being close to us is if they're close to us there can also hurt us and Every single person here. That's what you've dealt with Somebody did something someone said something someone did it to you around you? And before it's all said and done you feel the pain now that's not really news because you know what they did you already know That here's what I want to ask Do you you know what they did but do you know what God wants to do with what they did? See for most of us we think God's activity in our life is tied to good things And when something bad happens, we think he's nowhere near it But can I but one of the things Joseph would remind us is is that God's just as active in your life in Relational dysfunction as he is in serenity that he's working just as much when things are bad as he is when things are good and That the one of the things that we have to understand is God's working So what is he doing? And how can we partner with that work now when we look at the the way people can be hurt in a relationship? I mean, there's a thousand ways and so each one of your stories is different But here's what is all the same is that for most of us? We go through a kind of a six stage step in the wake of what that person did whether it was something small Someone did to you at work or something major that someone did with you in a marriage We kind of all go through the same six steps and you have to understand those steps because God works within them For example, the first thing that we go through is just the shock that it happened. I can't believe it happened I can't believe they broke my trust. I can't believe that they said that I can't believe that they did that that selfish act We just we didn't see it going this way We're shocked by that it took place and then out of the shock comes basically next sorrow

which is kind of where you move from I can't believe that happened to I'm dealing with the grief of what was lost. Maybe it was trust. Maybe it was an opportunity you start to lament what took place and you start to just feel the sadness about it because Ultimately, we do have to recognize for someone to hurt us They had to be close to us and then what comes next is really the struggle Which is where we just start asking all the questions. Why why then why now why this why them? Why me and ultimately in those questions, they funnel us to a place where toxic emotions fill our hearts for some of us It's fear about future relationships for others. It's anger for some It's just an immense sadness and it kind of sets like cement in our emotional space Now, here's the truth. There are six steps But most of us never move beyond these three Because these three are natural they're going to happen to you whether you choose to to kind of decide to move through them or not the next three require a specific choice and It's a choice to invite God in and continue the process he has for this pain But most of us don't ever make that choice. And so we just live in a place where we end up disbelieving It took place demonizing the person that did it or or just kind of depressed about the way it all turned out and so one of the things That I want to say to you today is this it's very important that you understand that when you've experienced something a wrong in a Relationship that pain is natural. But listen to me pain wants control And one of the things I want to remind you of is that Jesus is Lord of your life not pain Pain doesn't make the decisions pain doesn't tell you how to respond pain is not the one that's going to lead you to peace It's important for you to take a moment and decide where you want to go from what they did Because pain will never lead you to a place that you want to be Now if you the choice I'm referring to is really the the fourth step, which is surrender Surrender is when you stop asking questions and you start recognizing that you want to move forward and it's where you recognize in order to move Forward you need God's help But you can't do it on your own that the emotions are too strong that the situation is too frustrating that maybe even confusing and you want to invite God in and From that surrender an intentional decision to surrender this situation to him. What comes next is a big Bible word called sanctification Now, let me warn you

This is where we tend to think God has made a mistake Because sanctification is where God uses the situation to work on us instead of on them Now most of us are not interested in God working on us because of what happened us We want God to fix them punish them do something to them But what God says no first I'm gonna come in and start using this situation to work in you and he comes in and starts taking the situation and he starts Working on your character to make you look more like Christ and I don't know why this shocks us But it does see most of us we want our character developed by God just waving his arms They just he would just go now you're more loving now. You're more patient now You're more you got more peace, but that's not how God works on our character As a matter of fact, if you go through the Gospels, here's what you'll find God heals bodies But he never develops character in a single moment. You will never find God go and now depart from me. You are more generous and Now go away you will no longer talk that way never once in all Scripture Because there's a process he does miracles for bodies But there's a process for character and here's the process in order to derive the character development He has to put you in the exact opposite situation of what you want to be in. Let me explain this way Does it doesn't make us more patient for God to speed up our life? It makes us more patient when he slows down our life It doesn't make us more peaceful when God fixes everything around us that it's all serene It teaches us how to be peaceful when conflict and stress arise Listen, God don't make you loving by hanging out with people that are easy to love He makes you loving by putting you around people that you can't stand So this process of sanctification comes is that if you're in a situation that you can't stand right now take joy God's just built building something in you. That's the opposite of this situation But it doesn't just stop there Then we continue to show up and let God work in us and eventually the final step is this he takes that pain and puts it to service Meaning that he brings some kind of purpose out of it that he takes the thing You don't want to talk about the thing you wish never happened thing you're embarrassed about and somehow he brings good now

Usually the good is for someone else Usually it's your problem that is now benefiting someone else because you offer it to them in a way that that is hey I went through this. Let me encourage you. You're gonna make it through this Let me let me tell you how God worked in this in my life. It's something that you endured to encourage them now. Let me say This is the process God works through pain in your life if You keep showing up Only kind of process God can't work in is the type you quit But this is the problem for many of us. We just quit We keep we quit showing up saying all right God. I'm surrendering this to you again All right, God work in my heart and make me better out of this God use this for someone else's benefit We get selfish with our pain. We get focused on what needs to change in them We stop surrendering it and the process stops The key to benefiting from any struggle in your life is just to keep showing up keep opening up Keep showing up and saying God I need you to work in this. I need you to work in this I need you to work in this now. Here's the struggle with that This process is happening, but here's the struggle it doesn't feel like God is a part of it Because again, we feel like God's active when things are good. We feel like he's absent when things are bad And so one of the things you're gonna have to remember in this is God's working despite the fact This is not enjoyable. Despite the fact I This is hard God's working and that's one of the things that was true for Joseph Joseph You just didn't show up feeling like oh, yeah, my wife's pregnant by somebody else. I'm sure God's working in this No, he thought God's far from this But here's one of the things the first thing that the angel says to him is this Joseph son of David Now son of David that that phrase only appears attached to one other person's name in all of Scripture Do you know whose name it is? Jesus it's a prophetic reminder that God had ordained the life of Jesus through a Particular lineage that came through King David and and that was fulfilled by the fact that Joseph was Jesus's earthly father But listen that title didn't mean anything to Joseph in that moment

Because King David hadn't been on the throne in hundreds of years They were being ruled by the the Romans and it had definitely got gotten Joseph any benefits. He was just a lowly carpenter But the reason the angel said Joseph son of David is it's a reminder Joseph You need to be reminded that before you ever stepped foot on the earth God had already laid out the plan of your life that you don't live in a random place You're not part of a random family that that you're not in this moment randomly, but in the sovereignty of God Joseph you have been ordained for this moment draw strength from it Joseph because your placements not without God's purpose You remind yourself Joseph that you didn't choose this God has ordained you for this and so all of a sudden what seemed like God's absence became very clear It was God's sovereignty in this moment and some of you need to remind yourself of the same situation God is not gone just because things have gotten difficult. You have been ordained by God for this moment I know the marriage is tough. I know this family's dysfunctional, but God puts you in that family He called you into that marriage He's put you in this place that you work that you're not absent God's sovereignty His hand is as much on you in this difficult season as it was on you before this difficult season And when you recognize that your placement right now is not without his purpose But it's completely empowered by you draw strength from that sovereignty that if God designed me for this moment That he's gonna carry me through this moment I have what it takes to navigate this relationship because I'm not here by accident. I'm here by God's design So so the first thing that Joseph say hey, don't quit God's process. He's doing something. Here's the second thing he would say Which is that you need to let God speak You'd remember that um that everybody would have known about what happened with Mary and so every conversation People would have said to Joseph. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? I heard about it at work. What are you gonna do? I heard about it when we were at the baseball field What are you gonna do? I saw it on Facebook. What are you gonna do? I mean constantly this is what people ask and the truth is is that that Joseph didn't know what he was gonna do I mean on one hand he didn't want her to be punished. But on the other hand, he didn't want to marry her But there's this tension he's living in and it's the same tension We live in because remember in order for someone to hurt you

It means at some point you had to value that relationship and and there's a tension that we live with in that, right? I mean, we were friends, but now I don't know if I want to be friends. I wanted to work here I don't know if I want to work here anymore. I once esteemed you as my boss now. I Really struggle with you as my boss There's this tension you live in and on some days you want to show up and and try again and on other days you you Want to kind of throw up your hands and resign the whole thing? There's a tension and so you and I are asking ourselves the exact same question. What should we do? What should we do? What should we do? Well, here's the truth. Every one of your situations is completely different and requires a unique response Every single one of them. I don't know what you should do But here's what I would say that's the reason you let God speak One of the things I get concerned about is we want God to speak into every area of our lives But we forget that that includes our relationships And it's because what happens is is that the loudest voice in your life relationally is often your your emotions. For the people on one end who you're falling in love, it doesn't matter that the people around you said, maybe we should take it slow. No, you want to speed it up because your emotions are saying how much you love this person. And then on the other end, people who want to give up on a relationship and someone says, maybe you should give it more time. We don't want to because our emotions say, give up on this relationship, get out of it, it's painful. And my concern is that your relational life is being crafted, but not by Christ, but by your emotions. And so one of the things that I think is so important for us to recognize is we have to let God speak. You see, it was verse 18, where Joseph discovered he had a problem, it's verse 19, where he's ready to let his emotions tell him he should give her up for divorce. But then there's this little phrase, and it says, and after he considered this, verse 20, the angel of the Lord comes and God speaks.

You see, he took a moment to give space for God to speak. He didn't rush, he didn't react, he didn't do what everybody else said he should do, he just paused and said, I'm going to give a moment to consider this and let God speak. See, how can you let God redeem a situation that you won't even wait on his revelation of what to do? For many of us, the question, the most important question is not what should you do? The question is, has God spoken? And you say, well, I want to hear God, I don't know how. Well, Joseph will tell you this, there's a little phrase that says, and he was first faithful to the law. Now the law in his time, that would be another way of saying he was faithful to God's word. It was the written word of God, the law was the written word of God. So what it means is that Joseph was faithful to daily reflect on God's written word. One of the reasons I encourage you to read your Bible every day is because at some point you are going to enter into a crisis. And the reason Joseph could hear the voice of God is because he had a relationship with the word of God before the crisis came. See, most of us read this passage and go, well, I'd know what to do too if an angel showed up and spoke to me. Okay, well, let's, let's figure out why did an angel show up and speak? Because he was faithful to the written word of God. See, most of us want to hear angels, but we don't want to show up daily to our Bible. But by showing up and being faithful to the written word of God, you put yourself in a position to hear the supernatural word of God. You see, I think the reason an angel shows up to Joseph is because God knew this guy so values my word daily that I can trust him with a supernatural spirit speaking to him. And see, what you have to understand is, is that, um, the daily relationship you have to the Bible builds a foundation for you to have those moments where you hear God's voice supernaturally. See, when you, you read the Bible every day, you start to take on the character of God.

You start to recognize the principles of God. You start to recognize the decision-making of God. And the reason that's important is because it creates a bounds for you to hear the spirit of God. You see, one of the realities is sometimes we think we've heard God in the spirit, but the truth is we heard us. You know, we heard bad pizza. We heard what we wanted to hear. But when you have a daily relationship with the written word of God, then you can hear the spirit of God more clearly because you can test if it's actually the spirit of God. Let me explain it to you this way. The Bible will not tell you who to marry, but it will tell you the type of person that you should attach your life to. And when you understand the principles and the character of that person, when you meet someone that you think has potential, the spirit of God can then quicken you to go, Hey, I, we didn't have her name in scripture, but she follows the archetype or the type that you should marry. The Bible's not gonna tell you where to work, but it tells you the type of places you should spend your time. It tells you the way that you should go about your work and it tells you the type of partnerships you should enter into. And when you know that it creates a bound that when you have an opportunity, you can discern these are the type of people, this is the kind of place, this is a place that God is calling me to see. Many of us want the spirit of God to speak, but there's no bounds by the word of God in our life. So therefore we couldn't discern if it was God or us anyways, you must be first faithful to the written word of God. Now listen, this is, I've probably, um, I've probably read the Bible through, I guess, I don't know, 25 times.

And here's what I can tell you. There's some days I show up and it's very clear what God's saying to me. And there's some days you show up and you're like, I don't have any idea what any of this is about, but it's the faithfulness to it that storing it and building a foundation in your spirit so that you can hear the word of God later. Now let me just tell you, if you're here and you're trying to navigate a difficult decision after years of reading the Bible, here's what I can tell you. I guarantee there's three things that God's asking you to do as you try to relate in this difficult circumstance. These are just clear in his word. Here's the first one, refine your approach. Number one, refine your approach. Here's what that means. Chances are you are not approaching this in a godly fashion. Okay, he said what do you mean? Because you're a human it is not your natural response in a difficult relationship to do the godly thing now there's a spectrum of it some of us go into avoidance and Some of us go into attacking when it comes to to kind of difficult relationships. So some of you are attackers I mean you you anytime we can we can fight or any time you you you quickly jump on the other person you'll do it And then some of you are avoiders. You're not gonna have the conversation. You're not gonna engage and Here's what I can tell you neither of those are biblical The Bible says neither of those are biblical. It is very clear that the Bible is clear for avoiders He calls us to have difficult conversations to bring to peace for the attackers. He calls us to operate not in anger, but in kindness Okay. So the first thing is just looking at what how have you been approaching this? How can I refine it according to Scripture? Here's the second thing is gonna take place after you've refined your approach you then need to define the problem Define the problem. Okay. Here's what happens in relationships is someone hurts someone else and It usually sets off a spiral of hurt This person hurts that person that person hurts this person back and forth back and forth and time passes and then here's what happens Our emotions get so involved and too many things happen that before it's all said and done There's it's a cloudiness to what the problem even is

That's why a husband and wife can be kind of fighting about what appears to be the same thing and then when they finally talk Through they go. I thought we were fighting about this. No, I thought we're fighting about this because conflict is very confusing Okay So defining the problem just means that you come to that person and say you said this and it hurt me When you did this it bothered me now, I'm gonna tell you this is biblical in Matthew 18 Jesus's longest diatribe on forgiveness He uses an illustration, do you know what the illustration is? accounting accounting Accounting is an exact practice Like if you sat down with your accountant at the end of the year and said how much money do I have nice? Oh ballpark it for you. It's about this much you go. I'm getting a new account Because we don't want our accountants ballparking. We want to know exact Jesus chooses accounting because he says you can't heal general. You can't forgive generally we forgive specifically You can't heal generally you have to heal specifically So we define what the issue is Because all of a sudden for that person when it's no longer all the things I thought it is and it's this one issue Well, they can do something about that. I can apologize for that. I can take responsibility for that But when it's all this it just feels like overwhelming. We can't do anything about it. Our relationships over. No, no What's the actual problem, okay, and then here's the last thing is is that you're then gonna redefine your expectations for the future Meaning you're gonna go. Hey, I want this relationship to continue But it's got to continue under these these ideals. I Don't want this relationship to continue. We're gonna forgive each other and then go in separate directions I'm I want to work here, but you can't talk to me that way anymore. I Want to I want to be friends, but you have to understand these boundaries Any of us are asking people to hit a target we've never painted We redefine our expectations to tell people how to be successful in our relationships You tell people how to treat you by the boundaries that you set up And so one of the things that this keeps them from hurting you and it keeps and helps make them successful Now listen, I prayed a lot about this particular point

Really felt drawn to pray a lot because I felt like today so many of you are At a place where you need to take a step in a relationship now now here's what I felt in prayer so listen, I Felt like that. You actually don't need to hear the Lord You need to do what you heard the Lord say like I think most of you already know the conversation needs to take place or that you need to say you're sorry or that you need to forgive and You've chosen not to do it. So here's my warning. This is what I felt like in prairie ready Many of us have already heard the Lord what to tell us what to do But we've chosen not to do it and then we go back to him asking him God. What should I do? Okay Why would God give you another word when you discarded the first one? He gave you? When we go to the Lord and ask him what to do when he's already told us what to do What we're really saying is no God. I think I'll take another option And let me just define that relationship for you We don't go to him for options We go to him for our next ordered step So don't be surprised if he doesn't speak when you don't follow through with what he's already spoken Here's what the Bible says, um, we don't know a lot about Joseph Four times in the few verses we have about his life. Here's what it says and He heard the word of the Lord Lord. Joseph's life is marked by the phrase, and he heard the Word of the Lord. I'm going to tell you how important it is you learn to hear God. It doesn't matter how capable you are. It doesn't matter how strong you are. It doesn't matter how talented you are, how good looking, anything else. The person who got chosen to steward Christ, it was said of their life, and they heard the Word of the Lord. God can do anything in your life and do anything in any relationship, if you're a person who it's said of you, you can hear the Word of the Lord. You better get a word before you quit that job. You better get a word before you sign those papers. You better get a word before you enter that relationship. God has something to say about your relationships. The question is, have you given him space to say it? Because that's the

key to success. Okay, here's the last one, last piece of advice I think Joseph would give you, which is if you're in a difficult relationship, make sure you extend grace. Recently, I was watching Oprah. That probably wasn't on your bingo card for this sermon, was it? She did a special with a psychologist about a cultural trend that's rapidly growing. It's called no contact. I don't know if you're familiar with this. It's when someone intentionally cuts ties with a family member or close friend because of unresolved issues or because of differences, like political differences or religion differences of some sort. Literally, she had a whole group of people who basically said, we told our parents they're not our parents anymore. We told our kids they're not our kids anymore. We told our childhood best friend, we're not even friends anymore. Don't contact us. We want no contact. It sounded a bit like, wow, I didn't know this was a thing until they said one third of Americans are practicing this. Okay. And what I was sitting there thinking is every one of these people had a story and every one of them had been hurt at some point. But what was interesting to me is the only solution they could come up with is to cut this off. And I'm afraid that sometimes that's kind of how we've become as a society is like, that's too difficult, I'm going to cut it off. That's too challenging, I'm going to cut it off. That just is, that's not going to require too much. That's not my best interest. I'm going to cut it off. And some of you, I wonder maybe if you're practicing no contact and you just haven't sent the text message, but you're just doing it subversively. Okay. And all I'm saying is Mary probably deserved no contact. I mean, according to the law, she should have been stoned. Yet Joseph steps up and he goes, I know what she deserves. And I know the revenge that as a human, I would want, but I'm going to offer something instead of no contact. I'm going to offer grace. And it's because he had been commissioned as an agent of grace. When the angel came, the angel said to him, you are to take her as your wife. Okay. So catch this. You are to take her without any reservation. You are to take her without bringing up what has happened. You are to take her without any punishment. You are to take her without any penance. You are to take her without making her pay back. You are to take her not as she is, but as you once thought she was. You are to take her at her best, not at her worst. You are to take her and hold nothing back. You are to treat her not as benevolence, but as your wife. And you and I have been called to be the same agent of grace. If not for no other reason than that's the way Christ took us.

See, Mary only appeared to be unfaithful. You actually were unfaithful. And Christ received you. You got his best despite your worst. That's grace. And when we offer grace, something extraordinary happens. God begins to work and do what we couldn't see happening. Dr. Billy Wilson is the president of Oral Roberts University, and as a servant on the board there, I get to spend a lot of time with him. He's lived a real full life, especially in ministry. He's preached in a hundred nations, and it's amazing some of the things that he's seen. And I love talking to him about kind of the different miracles, but if he were here today, he would tell you the greatest miracle he ever saw was actually in his own family. His mom and dad were married and in ministry, and when he turned five years old, his dad just had kind of just lost his mind, if you will, relationally, left and abandoned his family. Abandoned Billy. His two sisters and his mother just left gave up the ministry gave them up moved away And obviously the immense pain that children and a wife feel out of that. I mean, it was like a bomb went off in their family and Billy's mother was so impacted that she couldn't care for the kids Billy went to live with his grandparents for the next 15 years at 16 years old All this pain all this anger about what had happened in his family was surrendered to Christ and Billy was radically Saved in choosing to follow Christ and about the same time his dad Came back to Christ. He was living in a small Community in Florida and he gave up all of his relational attachments. He'd stopped living the life he was living came back repented of the whole thing and Slowly started building a relationship with Billy and really trying to rebuild his life after this these incredibly selfish decisions And a few more years passed and as Billy's getting ready to get married in his early 20s He gets very concerned about his mother because she's still very embittered far from God and one night He's so burdened for her He comes to the church and he prays for hours and he has this vision of his mother in white and he hears the Holy Spirit speak to his heart that his mother's gonna be okay. He says Billy. Don't worry. I'm gonna take care of your mother Well the next morning Billy shares that with his mother And and she just listens. Well two days later. She's at work at a furniture store in, Kentucky and

She just the Holy Spirit visits her in a profound way and she surrenders her life to Christ again Giving him all the pain the bitterness and and she's just she's just born again well Two days later. She think she just comes her heart her number one assignment She's supposed to make this relationship with her ex-husband, right? She gets in a car from Kentucky and drives 11 hours to the small community in Florida She goes to a small mobile home she knocks on the door when she knocks on the door Billy's dad opens the door and says I've been expecting you the Holy Spirit told Me you'd be here this week They spend the next couple of hours reconciling forgiving apologizing and two weeks later they get remarried and They spend the next 35 years together in ministry until Billy's dad dies. Okay It's an absolute miracle That spanned nearly two decades and and Billy will always say this he'll say now listen I don't mean every relationships trajectory is the same but it did my family's miracle does say this there is no heart So broken God can't heal it. There is no relationship. So messed up. God can't redeem it That's what he says every time and I I tell that story because maybe where you're sitting you're going I just don't even think God can do anything And I'm just saying your equation doesn't include grace When grace is extended God does the extraordinary and When grace is extended listen to me when grace is given by a person God always gives that person a gift so if no other reason that you there there Behaviors unpredictable emotions. You don't know do extend grace because God's gonna give you a gift He gave Joseph a gift for extending grace The Bible says that he was given that the opportunity to name the boy Eighth day the boy would have been dedicated or circumcised at the temple and the father gets to pronounce the name So catch this the first person to ever pronounce the name Jesus is The dad who wouldn't give up on a broken relationship

The first person to ever speak the name the name that shifts eternities That time is split on that has reshaped human history God says I can trust him Because he won't give up on a broken relationship. I Wonder what gift God's got prepared for you when you extend grace to this person