3 Battles Every Kid Faces | Bob Merritt

The first battle every child must win is the battle of entitlement. This is a battle you must help your kids win. I think many kids today are ill-prepared for the real world because they've become entitled and dependent. They have very few skills, many kids, because they haven't had to work. They lack confidence because they haven't really achieved anything. And they're not ready for real life because they haven't had to struggle. Music It's so good to be with you here in Sioux Falls in Brace Church. Other campuses, those of you watching online, we're so glad you could be with us today. Those of you who are visiting or newer to the church, so glad you're with us. And we're just so, so grateful that we could gather here together as a family in Christ. Hey, before I dive into the message, I just want to be a pastor to you or for you for just a second. Thanksgiving holidays can be dicey for family dynamics and relationships. And somebody says something that irritates somebody else. And there's tension, there's conflict around the Thanksgiving table. It happens in our house as well. It happened this Thanksgiving a little bit. And we're fairly well-adjusted people, I would think. Just to say, no family is perfect because no person is perfect. And so give yourself a little grace. Receive God's goodness and grace and forgiveness. And just understand that it's normal to have tension and irritations and conflict in our families. With that said, I think the second most difficult thing to do in life is to raise kids. I think marriage is the most difficult thing, but raising kids is the second. But today's message isn't just for parents. It's for every aunt, uncle, nanny, grandparent, teacher, coach, future parents. Anybody who has anything to do, any relationship with children. But some of you might be saying, but Bob, I'm just their coach. I'm just their teacher. You are not just their coach. You are not just their teacher. You might be the only voice of faith in their life that'll actually save their life. The only voice of kindness and love. Friends, this is a team effort.

But raising kids is hard. Most parents, I think, think they're doing a bad job. Most parents, however, are doing a great job. It's just that the kids are crazy. Kids are demanding, ungrateful, self-centered little sinners who don't care if you've had a hard day. It's not you. It's them. Most of the time. And if you're a single parent, you deserve the hero of a lifetime award. My son's two boys, Hank and Cy, age eight and six, fight nonstop. I think they love each other. They're in a great family. They have a relationship. And they used to fight all the time. Just never stopped. The older one, Hank, pushed, poked, and tortured the younger one until Cy would just blow. And it was just full-on fighting. Dave and Sarah gave timeouts. They take away privileges. They give spanks once in a while. And it works for about three minutes until one irritates the other, and off they go again. I mean, boys just fight. And there's nothing you can do about it. So if your kids fight, join the crowd. There's a lot to say about parenting. But I think there's two things that every child absolutely needs to thrive. They need love, and they absolutely need limits. Every child needs to know they are deeply loved by God and by you. And they need to know that there are limits to what they can do and where they can go. A child who is deeply loved and learns that there are consequences to bad behavior has the best chance at becoming a healthy, happy, productive human being. So love and limits, with that as a foundation, what I want to talk to you about today are three battles every child faces

and that I believe every parent... needs to help them win. Just a little background. Growing up, our family didn't have much. I was one of five kids. My dad was a pastor of small churches, so we were always just scraping by. So when I was 10 years old, my dad drove me down to the Joliet Herald News Office in Joliet, Illinois, where we lived. We walked up to the counter, and this is what he said. He said, My son wants a paper route. I thought, I do? Three months later, I had a route of 80 customers, and from 10 years old to 15, I delivered papers every single day after school, rain or shine, never miss. Then, when I was 16, my dad introduced me to a painter friend of his, and he said, Bob wants to paint houses. I thought, I don't want to. I do? But for the next four summers, I painted houses so that I could eventually buy a car and save up for college. And gang, I didn't realize it, but something was forming inside me

that would help me win the big battles in life. Then, when I was 18, my mom and dad drove me from our home in Pittsburgh to St. Paul, Minnesota, to enroll me in college. Ten minutes after we dropped my duffel bag in my dorm room, my dad drove me over to a bus company and said, my son wants to drive a school bus. I'm like... Two days later, though, I was behind the wheel of an 18-ton vehicle driving school bus for kids, and for the next eight years, I did that to pay my way through college and seminary. And I don't know if my parents realized it or not, but from zero to 18, they were teaching me a very valuable lesson, and that lesson was this, that my life was essentially up to me. Never once did we five kids expect a handout or a juice box. I mean, whatever candy, fishing lure, or motorcycle we wanted, we worked for, and we bought with our own money. I bought my first motorcycle when I was 15. Saved up and paid cash for it. Never once did I think, you know what? My parents should do this. My parents owe me. Never once did I think that. Instead, I was, gang, I'm telling you,

I was grateful that we had enough food to eat, a house to live in, and parents who stayed together no matter what. By the way, all those years of delivering papers, painting houses, and driving bus built something into me. Things like confidence, skills, and the importance of earning and saving money. Kids don't get that by sucking on juice boxes during soccer practice. I have a thing with juice boxes. All seven of my grandkids suck on juice boxes, and they think they're entitled to 14 treats if they don't torture each other. I mean, come on. My parents gave us the foundation. Go to church, trust God, do good work, and don't date or marry someone who's a project. But then it was up to us. I knew that if I was going to have a great life someday, it wasn't going to be handed to me. I better finish school, find work, and marry well, or I'd be living in a van down by the river. I knew that, by the way. We passed this work ethic on to our kids. When our son David was 10 years old, we dropped him off at a golf course, a private golf course near our home, the White Bear Yacht Club, to caddy. He could barely carry a bag.

He was just this tall. But every morning at 6 a.m., he showed up, and he did one or two loops at the yacht club, and later on, he became the caddy master. 17 years old is the youngest caddy master they'd ever had at that golf course. And then years later, he went to Virginia Law School, became a lawyer, and now he takes me golfing. The day your kid pays for your golf is a good day. Let me tell you, parents, that's what you want in life, okay? Now, if you haven't already guessed it, the first battle every child must win is the battle of entitlement. This is a battle you must help your kids win. I think many kids today are ill-prepared for the real world because they've become entitled and dependent. They have very few skills, many kids, because they haven't had to work. They lack confidence because they haven't really achieved anything, and they're not ready for real life because they haven't had to struggle. Struggle is a good thing for kids. kids to figure life out, build resilience, fight through, figure it out, whether it's schoolwork or whatever it is. Struggle is a good thing, it makes us strong. But, I think many kids today think things should be given to them, because that's all they've ever known. But gang, what happens when a child is given everything?

They become entitled. Instead of grateful, they become resentful. Instead of generous, it's all about me, I'm gonna be selfish. Instead of productive, they become dependent. And this is interesting, instead of being happy about all the things they're receiving, they become angry the minute you say no. Instead of creative, they get bored. A child will often say to his parents, I'm bored, ever hear that one, parents? I'm bored, we hear that all the time. So the mom will start generating ideas, why don't you go outside and play? No, that's boring. Why don't you color or read a book? No, you kidding me, that's boring too. And the parent just keeps pitching ideas. Why don't you bake a cake, fly a kite, pick dandelions? I don't care, boring, boring, boring, the kid will say. And you keep pitching ideas, and the kid keeps hitting them out of the park. What is the child learning? The child is learning, my boredom is your problem, mom and dad, and I expect you to solve my problem of boredom. And they grow up expecting everybody to solve their problems because they think other people are there to serve them. Here's the proper response to a kid who comes at you with, I'm bored, here's the response. You know, boredom is a real problem.

I'm sure you'll find a way to solve that problem. And that's it, walk away. By the way, you know what else is boring? School is mind numbing boredom out of my skull. But you know what? That's life, work is boring. Even as a pastor, 60, 70% of my work was extremely boring. Just tedious, writing, thinking, dealing with nitty gritty staff, just boredom, boredom, boredom. Going to bed on time is boredom. But guess what? These are the things that make a person productive and happy. When you go to school, go to work, go to bed on time, live a healthy life. And if kids don't learn that boring is a part of life, they're gonna struggle to make it worthwhile. Look at this verse out of the Bible. Make it your ambition, parents. Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, mind your own business and work with your hands so that you won't be dependent on anyone. Make it your ambition to help your kids work with their hands, work with their minds so that they won't depend on you for the rest of their life. We want them to be contributors, not just consumers of things that have been given to them. Found this mom on YouTube. She was tired of her child's demand.

He wanted a bite of Hershey cocoa powder. She warned him, it's bitter, you don't want this. He kept insisting on it. Take a look. That'll teach them, you know, but that's a good mom. That's good parenting. You've gotta win this battle of entitlement. There's gotta be a little grit as you're raising your kids. Not abuse, not over the top, but no means no. And you've gotta figure this out, parents. Be engaged, win the battle. Second battle is for sexual purity and this is always a little bit of a fun topic, a little, you know, dicey topic, but that's okay. The Bible has lots to say about sexuality, lots to say. For example, this verse, may you rejoice in the wife of your youth, Loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breasts satisfy you always, that's a good verse, may you always be captivated by her love. Remember that was in the Bible, did you? You ought to read your Bibles. But then you have statements like this, verses like this, run, run from sexual sin, no other sin so what? Clearly affects, clearly wounds, no other sin, sexual sin, no other sin so clearly damages a person as this one does. So in the Bible you have statements of just this wonderful joy, wonderful freedom and serious warnings around the issue of sex and sexuality. I was talking to one of our pastors about the battles that

kids face today and immediately he said, every kid has access to hardcore porn on their phone, even if my kids are not looking at it, the kid next to them probably is. Difficult. But here's what I want for my kids. This is a battle, this is a battle we must win. Here's what I want for my kids. I want them to get through their teens and twenties with their sexual purity intact. I don't want my daughter caving into some 16, 17-year-old kid who pressures her into a sexual encounter that is going to scar her soul and damage her future. I don't want my son facing his wedding day with a history of sexual misconduct that dishonors God, violates the trust of his future wife and damages their spiritual oneness. Gang, my goal is to have my kids understand that their sexuality is a gift from God, that it's the most private and personal part of who they are and it's to be celebrated with the one person who God brings into their life for marriage. And friends, they have to understand why sexual misconduct is so damaging. Here's why. The Bible says that when a man and a woman come together sexually, that they become one. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually, they become one. The sexual union is so powerful and so sacred that there's a spiritual fusion of their souls that makes them one. So that when people violate that by moving from partner to partner there's a tearing of their soul that creates all kinds of damage

in the form of guilt, shame, and loss of intimacy. Lori and I said to our kids over and over again, the greatest gifts you can bring to your future spouse is your faith in Jesus Christ and your sexual purity. We wanted them to win that battle and gang they did and so did their spouses and all four would tell you they're so thankful that they waited. And parents, the basic need here is to talk to your kids about what you expect and why you expect it. I want my kids to know that sexuality is God's idea and that as they grow they're going to experience sexual desire and that it's normal to feel that. I want them to know what kind of behavior is appropriate and what kind of behavior is off limits. I want them to know that the damaging effect of porn, why abstinence is so important, and why God intends for sex to be reserved for marriage only. But the biggest thing, parents, is you have to model this yourself, dads especially. What do you watch? Where do you go? Where do your eyes go when an attractive woman walks by your table and you're gathered there as a family or just as a person alone? It really matters, dads especially, how we live and conduct our lives. 1 Timothy says this, set an example. Parents, set an example for others, for your kids in how you talk, how you live, how you love, and set an example in your faith.

Be the kind of person that you want your kids to be because they are watching and listening 24-7 to how you're doing life. When I was 17, I had hair, and hair is, I love hair. So I tell kids... boys in their teens and 20s, if you can grow hair, grow it down to your shoulders, because man, someday you might not have it. I love long hair on guys, so have at it. But I was the running back for our football team, captain of our basketball team, and I was dating Lori Thompson. And everything about her was just breathtaking. One day I was sitting in our high school auditorium just bored out of my mind when this fully formed beauty walked past me down the aisle. I was sitting on an end seat, study hall, and as she walked past me in her skin-tight jeans and tank top, she dropped a handwritten note into my lap, and that note said this, anytime, anywhere, you and me. And I knew this girl's reputation, everybody in school did. This was a no-strings-attached invitation to a ride on the wild side I would never forget. And I also knew in that moment my life was gonna go either way. I knew that if I couldn't control myself in this situation, I would damage my relationship with Christ and I would destroy any chance I had with Lori Thompson, who's been my amazing wife for 47 years. Friends, I can still see that note.

I still remember her name, this other girl. And I am so grateful that God gave me enough strength to say no to that temporary thrill so that I could say yes to a lifetime of blessing with Lori and our kids and seven grandkids. And I know I can kind of feel the eye rolls whenever I talk about this. Some people are saying, come on, Bob, you can't expect kids not to have sex. Oh, yes, we can. We need to take a stronger stand on this. Guys, let me ask a question. Those of you who are entering dating or in your teens and 20s, let me ask a question. Do you wanna marry someone who's had a dozen sexual partners or who saved herself sexually for you? Gals, do you wanna end up with a guy who's had countless partners addicted to porn and can't be trusted? Or do you wanna marry someone someday who's kind, godly, and good? By the way, the number of teens and 20-somethings who are saving sex for marriage is at an all-time high and growing. I don't know if you know this. Recent survey found that among teens ages 15 and 19, 62% have made this commitment for sexual purity. And by the way, if that's you, we all just wanna applaud you.

Would you help me applaud those who have made that commitment? You are the smart ones. You are the smart ones and God is gonna honor that commitment. And if you've already failed in that area, many of us have. Dare I say most of us have. God's love is still overflowing and abundant for you. God's forgiveness and mercy and grace is available to all of us sinners starting with me. I am a sinner just like you and I need God's forgiveness and mercy and grace every day of my life. But maybe today is the day where you just put a stake in the ground. Sexual purity is something I'm going to embrace from this point forward until the day I get married and we can celebrate that together. But parents, parents, don't remain passive on this. Help your kids win the battle for sexual purity. Finally today, and we'll just touch on this because Adam and Travis did such a beautiful job with this topic, the battle for faith. Honestly, I can tell you this, the only thing that kept me from sexual misconduct, honestly, the only thing that kept me from crossing that line with this other girl was my faith in Jesus Christ and his word that was guiding me

even at age 16, 17 years old. I knew that this would dishonor God, that this would violate the principles that I wanted to live by. I knew it because God's spirit was living inside me. So parents, lead your kids to faith. Model it because if they don't have God's spirit and God's word telling them right now. from wrong. They're going to be at risk. They're going to be vulnerable. How do we do this? How do we lead our kids to faith? First, parents, your faith has to be real. Obviously, parents here today watching online, other campuses, obviously, your faith is real. You're here at church on a cold, you know, South Dakota day. But look at the Bible says about this. Right after God gave the Ten Commandments, he says, these commandments I'm giving you today are to be on your hearts, impress them on your kids, talk about them when you sit at home, walk along the road. Notice that God's commands are to be on our hearts first, parents, because you can't pass something along to your kids that you don't have yourself. So again, is your faith real? Is church a priority? Do you actually trust and live by God's word? And is prayer a habit in your life? Again, I'm so grateful for every parent who's here leading your family to church. You got to win this battle. Second way to win this battle, you got to form a team of other godly people who will reinforce the things that you're teaching them. So enlist pastors, youth leaders, Christian families, teachers, coaches. One day, a mom returned home from the grocery store and when she pushed open the door, the house was unusually quiet, but then she noticed all five of her kids

were huddled around together playing with something in the middle of the living room. So she set the groceries on the counter, quietly walked up behind them, when to her horror, she saw they were playing with five baby skunks. True story. She yelled, children run. So each kid picked up a skunk and ran. True story. And my point is if you run with a skunk, your life's going to stink. It really, really matters. Parents, who you're running with, who your kids friends are, their coaches and mentors. So we made sure our son was in basketball camps with godly coaches. I invited godly men to join us on hunting trips so that David would hear the same godly principles that my wife and I had been teaching him all his life. Same with our daughter, Meg. This is a team effort. Everybody needs to be involved in helping raise our kids to follow Jesus. Here's my daughter, Meg. There's something about a dad and his daughter that's unlike anything in the world. I love her so much that when it comes time for us to leave, we have to do it quick or I just lose it. So years ago, she was leaving home for college. It was one of the hardest days of my life. It was a Saturday and I was getting ready to go to church to speak at our Saturday services. And I walked past my daughter's bedroom and she was standing over a pile of flip-flops that she had selected from her closet to take to college. She didn't want to go to college. She didn't want to leave home. She stood there in her ponytail, t-shirt, and sweatpants and I saw the sadness in her big brown eyes and I just melted. I mean, every day for 18 years, she slept in the bedroom next to ours. Every night, we prayed together, said good night. Every morning, we could hear the music in her hair dryer in her bedroom next to us

and now she was standing over a pile of flip-flops, ready to leave home. Neither of us said a word in that moment. I walked into her room and I held her as closely as I could. I kissed her forehead. Her tears stained my shirt. I could barely speak as my little girl was leaving home. All I could say was, Meg, this will always be your room. I'll always be your dad. This will always be your home. She nodded and then I had to go so I wouldn't completely lose it. Four years later, she brought a boy home from college and Meg wanted to know if I thought he was good enough for her to marry. He stood in our living room with a crooked hat, ball cap, and earrings and I wanted to cry all over again. I thought, if this kid even Even new. And earrings are great. If you want to wear them, good for you. But not for my son-in-law. Now Nellie's perfect for Meg, turns out. He's a great husband, great dad. He went to med school, became a radiologist. He's devoted to Christ. Meg and Nellie are two of our top givers in our church. I'm just so proud of who he is. But friends, Meg did it right. She was a Minnesota State champion gymnast. She worked hard. She stayed sexually pure. Her faith has been the most important thing in her life, leading her every day. And now they have three kids of their own. And I can tell you, they face all the same pressures

and temptations that your kids face. But Meg and Nellie are teaching them to work hard, stay pure, love God with all their being. And it's what I want for you. It's what I want for you and your kids. All of us make mistakes. All of us have failed in all of the areas I've mentioned to some degree, but God's love never wavers. His forgiveness never ends. And his healing is available to every person here. There are some parents here today with a broken heart. Because a child isn't doing well for one reason or another. They're not living the way you've taught them. There's a verse in the Bible that says, raise up a child in the way they should go. And when they are old, they won't depart from it. They won't depart from it. My prayer is that somewhere down the road, God will do a miracle in your child's life. And your son or daughter will return to the things that you taught them and the values that they learned in this church. In the meantime, let me just pray for those of you, especially, who have a broken heart. God, I just thank you for your love, your kindness, your goodness, your mercy. The Bible, there was a prodigal son who ran off and just blew it. And the father's heart ached for him until he came back home.

God, I pray that there's a son or daughter who's running away. They'll come back home. Lord, that you will bring healing and hope and joy again. But all of us need your help, Lord. We need your wisdom, your strength. We ask it all in Jesus' name, we pray, amen. Love your church. Thanks for having me. God bless all of you. Amen.